


The Piano Man

by ZoeyMcRoyan



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, abusive relationship in the past, modernau
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2018-09-13 00:05:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9096481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZoeyMcRoyan/pseuds/ZoeyMcRoyan
Summary: It's a usual Friday evening in the bar Kili plays the piano regularly but this evening is special. Trigger warning! If someone gets triggered by mentioning of an abusive relationship, you should better not read this. I'm not quite sure of how much of past experience of the characters I'm going to write, but if it is problematic for you, please be careful!If you get triggered by a suicidal person, don't read it!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flawedM](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flawedM/gifts).



> The idea came to me when I was driving home after a very nice Christmas dinner with my friends, listening to Billy Joel's Song The Piano Man in the radio and never leaving me. It was like an itch. I couldn't ignore it but when I worked on it, it got more persistent, instead of vanishing. Bay now the worsed of the itch had faded, what is good because I have to go to work tomorrow again and probably will not be able to write much in the next days.  
> That is also the reason why I decided to split the fic into two parts... 
> 
> I hope you like the first part so far. 
> 
> I still have no beta reader, so I'm very sorry for any mistakes. Feel free to point them out or write a comment if you like the story or have advice for me. 
> 
> This fic is for my dear flawedM. I hope you like it!
> 
> Notes after writing the second Chapter: 
> 
> This second chapter was a surprise for me too. I started writing it and it took a turn I haven't had really in mind. When I started the whole thing I wanted to write a one-shot fluffy and with some horizontal activities in it, but now it turns out to have angst and drama in it and is going to be much longer than planned.
> 
> For those of you who get triggered by mentioning of abusive relationships, you shouldn't read this! I haven't described anything in particularly but I strongly hited at it.
> 
> For those who are reading it, I hope you like it and are not taken aback by the changes in it.

It was a typical early Friday evening. The businessmen from the area were gathering in the pub for a pint, to leave work behind and start the weekend. Most of them were on their own drinking their Guinness looking stressed and unhappy. Suits were rumpled, ties loosened… They were here, still alone but in company and not lonely at home. Others were in groups of colleagues, laughing and joking but never close. There was always a distance and in the end, even the people arriving in a group were alone.  
It was days like this when Kili was glad he had done this step. It wasn’t an easy life but it was the one he wanted.  
He had his music, he had a roof over his head and food. What else could he want? From an outside perspective, his decision looked probably foolish. He had given up a secure and luxurious life with his family in New Zealand and had become a piano man in an Irish pub.  
Kili smiled to himself.  
He worked here for years now. He was kind of part of the family.  
The first time he had set foot in the pub, it had been as a student. Kili had scraped his last money together. He needed something decent to eat just once in two weeks. He knew he would regret it later when he had to eat tint beans for the rest of the week but he hadn’t cared in that moment. The food had been wonderful. Mina and her husband Bombur were such great cooks and a little stereotype Irish family, all red-haired with many children. Kili loved it when the kids played all around him. The youngest daughter actually showed a real interest in music and had watched Kili intently while playing until one day Kili had started to teach her. Today she was on her way to becoming a highly praised pianist. She was the new Irish “wunderkind”. She was 16 now.  
Wow, time was flying. It was ten years ago when he had spotted the piano in one corner and couldn’t resist playing after the delicious meal.  
Kili had played for hours. He had been lost in his music. Nothing existed around him, most important no problems.  
At one point a friendly hand had brought him back to reality and passed him a glass of water, it was only then that Kili was aware how thirsty he was and that he really had to use the toilet. Music did this to him. He could lose himself completely.  
Bombur had liked his music and probably took pity on the poor student who had eaten like a starved cat and nursed a glass of Guinness for hours, to offer him a job and play for the customers.  
This job had saved all of Kili’s dreams, the money wasn’t much but enough to go on. What really saved him was the food. Mina had noticed how thin Kili had been and started feeding him regularly.  
Today he had a master of arts. He worked in a music store selling instruments and gave piano lessons. But every Friday he would play at Bombur’s. He loved it. He could play some of his own songs and songs he loved. Some people set there listening to him, some of them going home a little happier, others didn’t really notice him.  
Every once in a while, he got an offer to play somewhere. Sometimes he did, sometimes not. He had played at a wedding and also at a funeral or at a birthday party. Once a young, soon to be groom had asked him if he would write a song for him and his love. He talked to the man and found out so much of their life. It had been a pleasure to write the song.  
A few weeks after the wedding the couple came to the pub and thanked him, that he had made a wonderful day even better.  
Kili didn’t want fame. He wanted to come by and do his music. His family never accepted that. He and his brother were supposed to run their uncle’s business when he retired. Kili’s passion for music was nothing more than a phase or a hobby. It never occurred to them that Kili wanted to be a professional. It had been clear if he ever voiced it out loud, it wouldn’t be enough to just be a musician. He would have had to bring home successes, he had to become a star in one way or the other. But that would have killed the music for Kili.  
When Kili finally realised that, he packed his bags, dropped out of his ivory league college and left his privileged life behind.

Kili stopped playing to take a sip of water. The pub had filled up visibly. After he had started playing here regularly, the word had gotten around and Bombur had gained many new costumers.  
Kili could see some familiar faces. Some people came for years now to listen to his playing. Some of them he knew by name, from some he only knew their faces.  
He smiled and waved over to them before starting to play again.  
Playing music always calmed him down but especially at Bombur’s. Sometimes he was just thinking about everything and nothing and sometimes he watched the people while playing. Today it was a mixture of both. His thoughts drifting here and there. His eyes took in new faces and well-known ones. His mind made up stories over them, what would later translate into songs.

His eyes got caught on a young man, who was shifting nervously on his bar stool. He was obviously dressed up and had a tiny bouquet of lilac laying in front of him.  
That was an unusual choice of flowers for a date, but strangely fitting to the man. He was kind of unremarkable but not quiet. He obviously was nervous, glancing every few seconds at the door and to his mobile.  
When Bombur asked something, the young man blushed deeply and lowered his gaze. So, he was also a little shy.  
It was nearly painful to see the man waiting and getting more nervous by the minute.  
Kili decided to play something happy, what radiated confidence and positive energy and it worked a little. The young man slightly moved in the rhythm of the song and a smile spread on his lips.  
No, that man wasn’t unremarkable, not at all. He probably was pretty shy and introvert. He was one of the persons you notice on a second glance.  
Kili had a friend in school, who was like this. All the other kids made fun of the poor boy but one afternoon Kili had met him and after the boy had gotten over his shyness he was great fun and he and Kili had been friends since the boy’s family had left the country. The two boys had written a few letters but in the end, lost contact.  
This man reminded Kili a little of his old school friend.  
Near the end of the song the phone of the man vibrated and he picked it up. The good mood vanishing in an instant and disappointment showed in his face. He set there shoulder slumped, all confidence had left him.  
Kili ended his song elegantly. This wasn’t the right song for the strangers’ mood. He obviously got stood up. Poor guy. Bombur had noticed as well and handed the man a pint, who took it gratefully.  
Kili would have loved to know more about the history of this events but like always, he had to make up the stories in his mind and translate them into music later.  
Kili started playing again. This time he played a very personal song. He had played it only once in front of an audience and that was by accident. He hadn’t noticed that his boss had already opened the shop and that there were customers.

Kili had written this song after his girlfriend left him for another man. The tune was melancholic and thoughtful. It was telling of the times lost together, of all the good memories and of the longing for a person who was loved deeply but out of reach.  
It had been the first time Kili had loved. He had crushes before and had experimented but it had never been anything deeper and he had known that.  
When he first had lain eyes on the red-haired ballet-dancer, he was captured by her beauty and elegance. It was a pleasure to watch her dance.  
It hadn’t been love on first side. Kili had never believed in that. Before you could love you needed to know someone. You could have a hard crush on someone but love needed time to grow.  
Tauriel had been working on a dancing project and was searching for a song. Someone had recommended Kili and that was how they had met.  
Over the work for the project had developed a friendship between them. Tauriel was a little bit like Kili’s muse. He had few times in his life where he had been so creative and productive.  
It had been a normal evening between friends when something changed between them and their friendship grew into a relationship.  
It came as a surprise to Kili because it had been the first time in his life that he was attracted to a woman.  
He had thought he had found his partner for life. He had loved Tauriel like no one before and he wasn’t sure if he would love someone like her again.  
Kili had planned to marry her. He just wanted to finish his master which would have only taken a few more month. He had already bought the rings, but at the night he wanted to ask her, she left with another man. A colleague from her company. They had toured Europe for month and had an affair the whole time.

All this had Kili poured into the song. It still hurt. He had loved Tauriel, it had been five years, but it had dulled to a distant ache. It was more the betrayal which still hurt and that he had lost his best friend with the dancer.

Near to the end of the song, Kili noticed that the young man at the bar was watching him. He had crooked his head slightly and was listening intently. His lips were moving a bit.  
Their gazes met and Kili could see that the other was carefully listening to the text he was singing.  
His face was concentrated but open. Kili could kind of see how the story he had been telling came to life in the others mind.  
Somehow it felt like as that there would be created a connection between them. When their eyes met, the man smiled shyly and Kili returned it. It was heart-warming.  
The bitterness of the betrayal was finally gone. Just a distant memory and the song, a melancholic reminder of what had been, like so many other songs.

When Kili finished the song, it felt like he had finally closed an old book of his life. That he could finally set it aside.  
He felt light right now, relaxed and at ease with himself.

The young man took a deep breath, swallowed and straightened his back. He obviously gathered all his courage for something. He slipped from his stool and walked over to the piano. He nodded to Kili with a shy smile on his lips. “Sing us a song you're the piano man - Sing us a song tonight - Well we're all in the mood for a melody - And you got us feeling alright“* the young man said. Kili laughed wholeheartedly and started to play. “I love that song! Sit down! Tonight, I’m playing for you!” he told the man who blushed but got himself a chair. His eyes bright now and the smile a little wider and more confident. When Kili started singing the man closed his eyes and listened, moving his head slightly in the rhythm of the music.

When Kili finished the song, the man opened his eyes, his smile open and wide but with a hint of insecurity. To not lose the connection Kili continued to play directly. He played a medley of well-known songs he liked with all kind of feelings represented.  
It was relaxing really, to play those songs and sing.  
The young man stayed at his side, listening and observing him play. The attention felt nice and in his head, he really played especially for the man sitting beside him.  
The man had light brown eyes and hair somewhere in-between blonde, ginger and brown in a messy short cut, up to his ears. He was small, or more he looked small and was wearing a grey suit and a lavender coloured dress shirt.  
It was kind of fascinating. The man wasn’t drop dead gorgeous more the opposite really, but when Kili took a careful look, each time he seemed to become more attractive. Not in any classical way but more interesting like a riddle or mystery you wanted to solve.  
When Kili took a break to drink some water, he offered the man his hand. “I’m Kili! It’s a pleasure to meet you!” The man’s smile grew even wider his eyes smiling now too and blushed when he took Kili’s offered hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you Kili! Your music is wonderful! I’m Ori!”

Now Kili blushed a bit. He couldn’t quite grasp why the compliment from the young man, Ori flattered him like that. It sure wasn’t the first time he got complimented for his music, but tonight it felt special.

Kili played for another hour, Ori set beside him listening intently and scribbling notes in a small notebook from time to time.  
Kili was sure that it was related to the songs he was playing. The young man had a faraway and dreamy look in his eyes. Kili would have given quite a lot to know what story played in the others head.

“I’m finished for the day!” Kili told the young man after his last song. “Do you like to sit and have a pint with me?” He was trying his best to keep is voice steady and ignoring the fact that his heart was pounding like mad in his chest.  
What was it with Ori that made him so nervures? Usually, he was an easy flirt, especially when his music was involved. He had a few affairs in the years after Tauriel but it had never been serious. It was all about fun and light company but they had never really known Kili, only seen his easy-going façade. He was fun, spontaneous and as some said a little crazy. But no one had ever understood his devotion for music, what it meant to him and what he sacrificed for it.  
He didn’t miss his privileged life but he missed his family, despite all their faults and his brother in particular. Until he left they had been close. Fili had helped him, he understood his passion and love for music. He had been a sports star in school and could have started a career there but decided against it because of the family business.

“Sure!” Ori answered his question, blushing again and turning towards the bar. “A Guinness for you?”  
Kili smiled. It wasn’t fair to think something like that over a grown man but Ori was cute, kind of mouse-like. It wasn’t meant as an insult. It was just the feeling that he wanted to hug the man close and protect him from the outside world, make it all better kind of, even knowing that Ori probably was well capable of fending for himself.  
“Yes please, thank you.”  
The two of them got seated at the bar, Bombur preparing their order.  
“Is this your first time here in the pub?” Kili asked in a try to do some small talk and start a conversation.  
He was still irritated why he was so nervous. Something like that hat never happened before.  
“Actually yes.” Ori grimaced. “My supposed to be date” he made quotes in the air, “had recommended this place.” Kili cleared his throat, feeling a little sheepish. “Sorry!” “You don’t have to be. I had agreed to the date to get to know him better. I had been flattered that he had asked me on one but I didn’t really know him, so there is a little hurt pride but no heartache here really.”  
Kili shook his head. “I suppose it is his loss, that he won’t get to know you better.” Ori blushed again but smiled brightly. “One good thing had come from it, I found this place here….” Ori didn’t finish the sentence and shifted nervously but not breaking the eye contact.  
Butterflies erupted in Kili’s stomach. He couldn’t have missed the meaning of what wasn’t said. He swallowed hard and a brought smile spread over his lips. Picking up his glass and saluting the other man, “Slàinte!” “Cheers!” Ori answered and thy clinked glasses.

It came as a surprise, but Ori was easy to talk to. The young man had lost his shyness quickly and the two talked animatedly over many things. Ori had a subtle, dry kind of humour you wouldn’t expect, but whenever it struck it was much to the point, hilarious and bittersweet at the same time. He also had an artful way of explaining things. It fascinated Kili how the other was able to draw pictures with his words and too artful make some simple facts flourish and lively.  
He learned that Ori was a historian, who also had studied linguistics. For Ori language was what music was for Kili. He loved to write poetry and write over fictional worlds and their history, but this actually was his hobby. He did this for himself, sometimes friends were allowed to read it. It had never come to his mind to write something to publish it.  
What he did publish were his academical papers related to his university work. Ori was a highly demanded expert for Keltic and Viking mythology.  
He had come just recently to the city to research for his postdoctorate and teach at the university.

Kili was impressed. That man was highly intelligent. He could have listened to him talk the whole night but they were interrupted by Bombur who wanted to close up for the night.  
The large ginger-haired man had been really sorry but was tired after a long day of work.

The two man had no idea how long they had talked. Both of them so engrossed in the conversation that they didn’t notice that everyone else had left already.  
Kili laughed and paid Bombur before wishing his friend a good night.

Outside on the sidewalk, they looked at each other not sure what to do next.  
Kili didn’t want to leave. He wanted to spend more time with the fascinating man he had just met. But if he invited him over to his place it would send a signal he didn’t intend.  
It wasn’t that he considered the other man unattractive. No, not at all, the tiny bits he got to know just made the man incredibly sexy in his eyes.  
It was hard to grasp what made Ori so attractive for Kili. It was the connection he felt with him. They were so different from one another, but the way Ori thought, how he spoke and his humour touched something deep in Kili.  
A shiver ran through him. Yes, he could imagine more than talks with the historian, much more that wasn’t the problem. The problem that Kili didn’t want to give the other the impression that this between them was meant as a one-night stand.  
He had to swallow, he didn’t really know the other man, where did this thought come? Oh, dear! He had to admit it, he had a crush on the man, a bad one…  
Ori cleared his throat after a very uncomfortable silence. His shyness was back. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Kili!” he nearly whispered. His eyes downcast. “I…” he broke off, clearing is throat again. “Is there a chance to meet you again?” Ori’s cheeks were flaming red and he wasn’t able to make eye contact.  
Kili swallowed. This wonderful man who was so incredibly shy actually had more courage than he did. Something loosened in Kili. He leant forward to put a hand on Ori’s shoulder. The historians’ eyes darted upward to meet Kili’s smiling chocolate-brown once.  
“I would love to see you again!” he said softly. “But the night doesn’t have to end here and now…” Kili swallowed his voice raspy and hoarse now and a little shaking. A smile spread over Ori’s face. “Are you inviting me over to have a coffee at your place?” he asked mischief in his eyes but also blushing crimson. Kili couldn’t help it and laugh. “Yes I think so!” he chuckled offering the other man his arm, who took it like a fair maiden also laughing. “Then let’s go!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili has to make a decision if he is willing to face a difficult past...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a surprise for me too. I started writing it and it took a turn I haven't had really in mind. When I started the whole thing I wanted to write a oneshot fluffy and with some horizontal activities in it, but now it turns out to have angst and drama in it and is going to be much longer than planned. 
> 
> For those of you who get triggered by mentioning of abusive relationships, you shouldn't read this! I haven't described anything in particularly but I strongly hited at it. 
> 
> For those who are reading it, I hope you like it and are not taken aback by the changes in it. 
> 
> I would love to get some comments and critics. 
> 
> I have no Idea when I have time to update, jet. My everyday live is pretty busy as always.

The walk to Kili’s apartment was light-hearted. They had joked and laughed over a book they both had read and loved. Holding out his arm had been a reference Kili was not sure why he had made it, but Ori had recognised it immediately and had quoted from the book, what had them both laughing carefree.  
It had been amazing, what Ori had to tell about the language the author had created for the magic described in it. Kili could have listened to him for hours, how he needly as a surgeon picked through it and as it seems to have great fun with finding all the logical errors and what sometimes funny things would come out of it when translated correctly.  
When Ori described language, Kili was seeing notes and scores in front of him. It was like as he would explain composition to someone in a way.  
It fascinated Kili, it was now that he could understand. When he earlier tried to understand the built of a language, he got frustrated and couldn’t really get a feel for it. It had taken him ages to learn a decent bit of Irish. He had to, it had been part of his studies. He loved the Irish language but learning it had been incredibly hard.  
Now listening to Ori, made it feel so easy to learn a language.

When they reached Kili’s apartment, the two young men were still laughing and chuckling.  
Kili guided Ori upstairs, unlocking his door, stepping inside and taking Ori’s jacket. Suddenly the carefree mood was over. Both stood silently in the entryway, not sure what to do next.  
After a short moment, Kili gestured towards the living room door. He cleared his throat: “Please come in. Ehhhm- Do you like a Coffee or a tea? Or something else?” Ori entered the living room and had a look around.  
Kili could see how insecure the other man was feeling. It made Kili even more nervous. This night was strange. Usually, it never was a problem for Kili to pick someone up, not that he did it often but from time to time he liked some company. It usually didn’t take long to be undressed and do what both sides had in mind.  
But tonight, it felt different. Ori was different. It was ok if nothing happened. It was absolutely ok to change your mind, it had happened to Kili a few times, that he or the partner for the night had ended up apologising and leaving, it wasn’t a big deal, not at all! But with Ori, he didn’t want it to end here and now. Yes, he found the other man attractive and having sex would be highly appreciated but not what he primarily wanted.  
Kili wanted to get to know Ori, this fascinating, intelligent and funny man.  
Actually, he wanted that the other felt comfortable in his presence. Kili wanted the company, he wanted to talk and listen to the man, feeling the spirit of the connection between the music and language again, like on the walk. He wanted to feel that connection again.

Kili gestured to an armchair. “Please take a seat.” And got two glasses out of the cupboard and filled them with water, placing one in front of Ori and taking a seat.  
Ori also set down his gaze downcast. He couldn’t meet Kili’s eyes. “I’m sorry!” he whispered. “It’s probably not what you had in mind…”  
Oh, dear! Kili’s stomach made a flip. The other man was scared. That thought pained Kili and made him angry at the same time. No one had ever been scared of him and what had happened to that lovely young man that he was so afraid?  
Kili wanted to reach out and comfort Ori but that probably would have scared him even more.  
“Ori?” he asked softly and the other one lifted his eyes for a brief moment. “look,- ehhmm- nothing has to happen here tonight if you don’t want to! I never would force you, never! I don’t deny that I had sex in mind, but to be honest, I enjoy your company very much and I would love to get to know you better…” Kili paused thinking for a bit. “If you like, we can just sit and talk. I would enjoy it but if you want to leave it’s ok too. It would be sad but, ok. Whatever you like!”  
Ori lifted his gaze, surprise and hope in them. He swallowed: “Thank you, Kili!” He swallowed again, “I’m so sorry, to dampen the mood. We had so much fun earlier and I really like you! You are a very attractive man, you know and I had more in mind than just talk but all of some sudden bad memories rushed me…” at the last bit Ori’s voice grew very silent, that Kili had nearly missed it.  
Ori’s light brown eyes were troubled and full of pain and the young man was shaking.  
Kili’s throat was dry, the obvious hurt of the young man was hard to witness. Kili carefully reached out his hand and placed it over Ori’s squeezing lightly. “I’m sorry that you got hurt! If you need a friend, I’m here if you want to talk. If you just want some company, I’m still here and If you want me out of your life, I will stay out of it, I promise, but it would be sad because you are a very interesting man I would love to get to know better as a person and a friend everything else isn’t important right now.”  
Ori looked up, his eyes thankful but filling with tears. He squeezed Kili’s hand back lightly. “Thank you” he croaked before the first tear was spilling over his cheek.  
Kili stood up, going around the table, reaching out for Ori. “Is it ok to touch you?” Ori nodded and stood up, stepping closer to Kili and let him be enveloped in the musician's arms.

Kili held Ori for a long time, who was shaking violently, clinging to him as if his life depended on it.  
Kili stood there with Ori in his arms stroking his back comfortingly and holding him tight. This was confusing, it was painful and it scared him. Something had cracked in Ori, just from some friendly words and making it clear that Ori could decide what he wanted without negative consequences for him.  
Kili's mind wondered and one scenario after the other crossed his mind. He just hoped that it wasn’t anything like he imagined had happened. He had seen friends who experienced violence in one way or the other and breaking down under the pressure.  
After what felt like hours Ori calmed finally down. Carefully Kili guided the other man to the sofa, sitting down, but keeping him enveloped in his arms, stroking his back gently.  
Ori slowly lifted his head, his light brown eyes were red-rimmed and blotchy but at the same time so soulful and deep. They were full of contrast, sole deep hurt showed there but also hope, gratefulness and wonder. Kili wasn't aware of lifting his hand, stroking strands of hair out of Ori's forehead and then stroking his cheeks tenderly. He had to swallow hard. There were thousand thinks he wanted to say to Ori but he wasn't able to form any words. Someone had hurt this soulful man deeply. Kili had no idea what had happened but all his primal instincts bubbled up. He wanted to protect Ori, to hurt that person who had done this to the incredible being in his arms.  
Kili was a little shocked of himself. He wasn't a violent person. He had his share of fight's as a boy especially with his brother but after growing up, he had solved his problems in other ways. He was protective of the once he cared for and he would do nearly anything to keep those persons save. But this kind of fury towards an unknown person he had never experienced.  
Some of that feelings must have been shown on his face because Ori started to shift uneasily in his arms. Kili closed his eyes and took a deep breath, loosening his hold around Ori's waist und made a step back. Kili stroked his thumb over the others cheek softly before letting go completely.  
He took another deep breath before meeting Ori's eyes, who was fighting to hold that contact.  
Kili's voice was hoarse and soft, "Ori, I'm not going to hurt you!", he paused. "I have no idea what happened to you and you don't have to talk about it if you don't want! It just made me so angry that someone hurt you so badly and that was probably what you have seen on my face." Kili paused again. "I'm sorry..." He trailed off. Ori met his gaze again. His eyes still haunted and full of pain. He shook his head "It's ok! I'm sorry for ruining your evening!" Ori's gaze fell back to the floor. "I probably should leave now. I'm really sorry, you surely had something different in mind for the night than dealing with my petty issues."  
Ori rose from the sofa, not looking at Kili, his shoulders hunched and his head lowered. The whole posture screamed fear of getting hurt.  
The words and Ori's reaction shocked Kili. He had a completely different person in front of him. There was nothing left of the brilliant and laughing man he felt so attracted to. Rising from his sofa was a broken shell of a man. His whole being hidden behind a wall of submissive fear of getting hurt again.  
Kili's heart and mind were racing. What had just happened? What was he supposed to do? Was he supposed to do anything at all? What could he do?  
Ori had reached the living room door. "Ori?" Kili whispered finally. What else could he say? Asking Ori to stay? No that would Ori probably made to feel obligated to stay. He wanted to give the other comfort, not making things worse.  
Ori looked up and for a moment their eyes met. "Please stay, if you like..." The words were out of Kili's mouth before he could stop them. "If you want to leave it's fine too!" Ori's gaze was confused for a moment than he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He was collecting himself. When he opened his eyes again, Kili saw a soft glow in them. A bit of the young man he had met in the bar was back. Ori straightened and made a step towards him. " I would like to stay a little longer" he confessed with a quiet voice.  
Kili could feel relief flooding through him and a broad grin crossed his face and it seemed to infect Ori as well because the historian was smiling softly now, too.  
Kili stood up. "You like something to drink?" " A Tea would be nice" Ori answered shyly. Kili smiled back and nodded before disappearing into the kitchen.

When he entered the living room again, he found Ori studying his bookshelf. He placed the teapot and cups on the table, sitting down on the sofa again. "Found something interesting?"  
Ori twitched a little but when he turned he had a soft smile on his lips, holding a book. "Actually, yes. I loved 'The Neverending Story' when I was a child. To be honest, I still love it but it's a long time that I had it in my hands." Ori looked at the book tenderly, stroking it with light touches. Kili could see that it was as full of memories for the historian as it was for him. "It's one of the few thinks I brought with me from New Zealand," Kili said quietly. "It was a gift from my mum for my brother and me. He used to read the story for me. I loved it when he was reading for me. When I left home, he gave it to me." Ori looked at him with sympathy. "You miss him, don't you?" Kili nodded. "The copy I lost was from my mother. She had given it to my oldest brother to keep it for me until I was old enough. She died a few days after I was born." Ori's eyes were sad. He took a deep breath. "Actually, I didn't loose it, it was taken from me, by someone I thought who loved me." On the last words, Ori's voice broke but no more tears were falling and he was holding Kili's gaze.  
It wasn't pity,  or anything similar Kili felt for the young man in his living room. It seemed that he had a pretty tough life and that he was fighting to live it. Kili felt respect. Yes, he was curious as hell about what had happened to Ori, but that wasn't it really. He wanted to get to know the man who was fighting so hard to be himself, again as it looked like.  
Was he prepared to be with someone with what seemed to be a heavy loaded past? Would he be able to go through it, as a friend or maybe a lover? And most important, did he want it? It was probably too early to think about it. Kili wasn't even sure if he would see Ori ever again after tonight.  
But it felt somehow important to think about it. It was for him the last moment he could decide what he wanted, afterwards, the decision would be made for him.  
He was aware if the fact that he already had a huge crush on the other man and felt highly protective. If he ended it now, he would think about this mysterious man for a while, may even write the on or another song, but it would be over.  
If he would decide to get to know Ori better, he would care for him as he cared for his friend's ad for his friends he would move the world if need be.  
He had already made up his mind when he didn't let Ori go a few minutes back. He still wasn't sure if he could handle whatever Ori had gone through, but he was willing to try!  
Kili poured two cups of tea and Ori walked over to the sofa and set beside him. Kili was surprised. He had thought that Ori would want to keep some distance. He placed the book on the coffee table and picking up his cup, enjoying the warmth of the tea. "Thank you, Kili!" Ori told him with a soft smile. He wants sure what Ori was thanking him for but it wasn't only for the tea.  
Kili smiled back at him, picked up the book and started reading out loud.  
Ori sipped his tea and listened. His features relaxed more and more as the story continued.  
After a time, Kili had no idea of how long he was reading, Ori started to shiver a bit. "Are you cold?" Ori smiled a little sheepish. "A little". "give me a sec, I'm going to make another pot of tea and fetch some blankets." He paused, "and the bathroom is the first door in the entryway." Ori giggled softly and stood up. "Thanks!", vanishing behind said door.

  
Equipped with a freshly brewed tea and two woollen blankets Kili snuggled up on the sofa again.  
When Ori returned, he surprised Kili again. He climbed onto the sofa, lifting the corner of Kili's blanket just a little bit. "May I?" Ori blushed and his voice was nearly inaudible.  
Kili couldn't help himself, but he had to grin. Ori was so adorable when he tried to overcome his shyness. Kili lifted the blanket for Ori to join him. Kili had expected that Ori would sit beside him and they would share the blanket, but instead, he scooted up beside Kili who was sitting sideways on the sofa with his feet up and snuggled close. Butterflies erupted in Kili's belly. This felt amazing. It reminded Kili a little of his childhood when Fili had red for him. He then had been in Ori's place, snuggling up to his big brother, his head on Fili's chest, feeling safe and secure.  
Kili shifted to make room for Ori and lifted his arm for the other to find a comfortable position.  
Kili's heart was racing. This was so different from what he had felt so far, but it felt amazing. It was a little bit like music he had never heard before but was also familiar.  
Kili placed his arm carefully around Ori and reached for the book. "Are you ok like that?" He asked. Ori lifted his head and a warm smile lined the lips of the other man. His eyes were warm and excited, gone was the haunted look in it. Kili could see happiness. "Yes" he whispered and Kili started reading again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was way past noon when Kili woke. An unfamiliar weight was laying half on his chest and his shoulder and he couldn’t feel his hand.   
> He carefully moved his arm and his fingers started tingling. He hissed, that was painful.   
> Kili felt movement beside him and when he finally opened his eyes, he watched straight into sleepy light brown once. The memories of the night before returned and his stomach flipped again, thousands of butterflies erupted in it and a broad smile spread on his face. Ori was still there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this Chapter is for Awkwardstuffedbear (http://awkwardstuffedbear.tumblr.com/)

It was way past noon when Kili woke. An unfamiliar weight was laying half on his chest and his shoulder and he couldn’t feel his hand.   
He carefully moved his arm and his fingers started tingling. He hissed, that was painful.   
Kili felt movement beside him and when he finally opened his eyes, he watched straight into sleepy light brown once. The memories of the night before returned and his stomach flipped again, thousands of butterflies erupted in it and a broad smile spread on his face. Ori was still there.   
It was the first time in years that Kili was happy not to wake up alone. He had loved it to wake up with Tauriel by his side, but the dancer wasn't much for cuddling. She preferred to sleep on her own. After the relationship had ended, there had been no one who was close enough that Kili had felt comfortable with having so close in his personal space. He had been relieved when his one-night stands had left before morning and the affairs who stayed a little longer had learned fast that he enjoyed his freedom in the morning.   
But with Ori, it was totally different. He could lay there forever and holding the other man. Just having him close, hearing his breathing and his heartbeat.   
But finally reality crept into Kili's dreamy state, his arm was still tingling and his bladder was shouting for a relief.   
Kili cleared his throat, "Sorry Ori but could you just move a little?" The historian's eyes flew open again, reality seeming to catch up with him too. He nearly jumped to his feet, eyes wide as saucers.   
"Ori! It's ok, nothing to worry about! I just need to go somewhere..." Kili grinned sheepishly making a vague gesture in the direction of the bathroom with his head.   
"Oh!" Ori breathed in relief, "of cause" and a small smile spread on his face and stepping aside just a little more. 

When Kili returned to the living room, he found Ori sitting on the sofa, The Neverending Story in his hand. His fingers tracing thoughtful over the symbol with the two snakes, the Auryn.   
Kneeling down in front of Ori, Kili carefully stroked his fingers over Ori's hand, before he lightly brushed some strands of hair out of the others face.   
Ori watched him with tenderness and hope in his eyes, but underneath still lay a fear of trusting someone again but he closed his eyes and nuzzled his cheek into Kili's stroking fingers, breathing in deeply.   
After long minutes of that soft contact, Ori opened his eyes again and he smiled. "Thank you, Kili! With you, I feel human and happy for the first time in a long while!".   
Kili had to swallow, this words moved him deeply. He felt heat rise up his neck and a blush creep up is cheeks. He felt awkward, not worthy of that compliment, but at the same time happy that he had been able to make Ori feel better and secure in his presence.   
"I had a good time too! I really enjoy your company." He paused, not sure how to ask. Usually, he wasn't that nervous, never had been. Usually, he was quite bolt. He had been so often laughed about when he flirted shamelessly and was dismissed later. He never really cared. With Tauriel it had been so different. They had been friends before and it had grown into more, there hadn't been awkwardness, it just had felt like a natural progression. But with Ori it was different. Nothing was as it usually was. With Ori was no usual. It made the whole situation so special. It made Kili nervous but not in a bad way. It was more that he cared and that he had the deep desire to make this work, whatever it was. Ori seemed so fragile and at the same time so strong. Kili was afraid to loose him, to scare him away.   
He mentally kicked himself, no Ori wasn't like a deer in headlights, therefore he was way too smart and too strong. He had his trust utterly destroyed, through whatever, but that man wasn't week. Maybe Kili should have more courage and just speak his mind as he usually did it. Ok, may be not quite like that but just a little. He had to laugh at himself. Would poor Ori be able to handle him in full Kili-mode? When they got to know each other a little better, Kili was certain of it.   
"First, would you like some breakfast? And if you like to take a shower, I'll give you some towels and if you like I have a new toothbrush as well." Kili blurted out. After a short pause he took another deep breath, "And second, is there a chance that I may see you again?" God no! He was blushing again, how old was he fifteen?   
Ori's smile broadened again and for the first time he reached out directly for Kili, took his hand and searching for eye contact.   
"It would be wonderful!" Now he was blushing too and both broke into a fit of laughter.   
\--- 

The mood was lighter now, Kili had made breakfast while Ori took a shower. He had changed his shirt for a spare one of Kili's and was sitting at the kitchen table sipping his tea, waiting for Kili to finish his cooking.   
"Are you sure, that I can't help you Kili?" Ori asked for the second time. Kili laughed. "No, Ori! First you are my guest and it is my pleasure to take care of it and second, I'm nearly finished anyway. But thank you." 

With this Kili turned with two plates with a full Irish breakfast in them.   
"Ohhh! That look amazing!" Ori exclaimed with a broad grin. "It has been ages that I had something like this!" Kili smiled back. "Enjoy your meal!"   
"Thank you, you too!" They started eating and Kili could see that Ori enjoyed the food. "This reminds me of home," Kili explained. "My granny used to make a full Irish breakfast when we visited her."   
"I thought you are from New Zealand?" Ori asked confused. "Yeah, I am, but my granny is Irish. Her family came to New Zealand when she was a child, but some things she kept, like the food. And let me tell you, you can make a very decent Irish stew with Kiwi-Lamb."   
Ori chuckled, his eyes sparkling with interest and excitement. He opened his mouth but didn't speak. Kili smiled. "What do you want to know? I don't mind you asking!". Ori shook his head, "so much! I can't decide what to ask first. I'm as furthest away from home I have ever been right now. I grew up in a village near Oxford, studied in Oxford and worked there until a few month back. Yes, I did some travelling for work but never outside of Europe. I just try to imagine how it is for you to live so far away from home..." "Well..." Kili paused. He had to think a bit before he answered. "It depends on how you define home... if it is the place you grew up and were you blood relatives are living, you are right that I'm far away from home." Kili paused again and took a deep breath. "Oh! Sorry!" Ori whispered reaching out with his hand to comfort Kili. Ori's fingers stroke lightly over Kili's, who closed his eyes enjoying the affection for a moment.   
He continued quietly: "My home is here now. I have found something like a family here! A sigh escaped his lips. "I miss my brother, very much so. We have been pretty close as kids. With him, I have still contact on a regular basis. What really hurts is that I lost contact with my mother. She never understood why I had to leave. She had never forgiven me that I decided against her plans for my future. All had been set in stone that my brother and I should take over the business she and my uncle had built up after our grandparents had founded it. She never understood that it wasn't my future. It is Fili's future now, he made it his future and he made his peace with the situation but I know that he had other dreams too." Kili sipped at his tea, " Fili had always known that a career in the family business wasn't for me. He had known it even before I myself realised it and when I told him that I wanted to leave to study music, he helped me. Without him, I had never been able to just leave New Zealand and for certain, I had starved to death in the first few weeks over here." Kili laughed a little embarrassed. "Oh dear! I had been so naïve!"   
Kili was surprised by himself once more. There were not many people who knew his story. Bombur and his family knew as well as Tauriel but the rest of the people he got to know were aware that he was from New Zealand, his accent was hard to miss, despite the fact that he adopted more and more of the Irish way to speak, but they weren’t aware that he had left his family. They weren’t close enough that Kili had felt comfortable to tell them. They were friends in a way that you know them, hang out and have fun, maybe even get some help but not close friends you share your life with.   
Ori was the first person in years he had shared it with and it hadn't felt weird or anything. He just felt that he could tell the other man.   
On one hand Kili felt that he knew Ori for years and that he could trust him, but on the other hand, there was that thrill, that he infect didn't know the other at all, that the historian was such a mystery to him, which he wanted to uncover. It wasn't the dark secret what made Ori so skittish and defensive. That was something they had to work around, no, it war the shy man who had a very distinguish sense of humour, who liked fictional worlds and understood Kili and his music on a level he had never experienced before. This person he wanted to get to know and if he had to fight against Ori's daemons with him, he would try is best.   
Ori was holding Kili's hand now, smiling softly. "But you made it work! You created your own life, a successful one. You can be proud of yourself." A soft blush rose to Kili's cheeks, who was still smiling. "Thank you!"   
"No, really, I mean that. You living like you wanted it." Ori's voice was so passionate that he only could smile back at him. "Thank you! That really means a lot to me!" Kili lifted his other hand and stroked Ori's cheek lightly. "And from the looks of it, you are doing well on your own too." Kili meant it but was aware that he was walking on the slippery ground now. Ori's soft smile faltered a little but he was able to hold Kili's gaze. "I'm working on it and at the moment it is working quite well." Ori hesitated, his gaze flickering as he wasn't sure if he could tell Kili more. Kili looked Ori straight into the eyes and whispered: "It's ok, you don't have to tell me more. Tell me whatever you are comfortable with." A relieved sigh escaped Ori: "Thank you!" he breathed. Kili shook his head, "for what? - For not pressuring any answers out of you? - It's your business and if you want to share it, it's fine with me, if not, it also is!"   
Ori's gaze dropped, "I'm not used to such a kind treatment anymore..." - He swallowed hard and when he continued his voice was shaking, "My last relationship was a disaster..." - he swallowed again and shook his head. "Sorry, Kili I can't talk about it. - Not even with my therapist." The last of the sentence barely audible.   
Kili cupped Ori's chin, stroking it lightly with his thumb. "Don't be ashamed! I'm glad you are getting help. Sometimes life is just too much to bare it alone. It's nothing to be ashamed of to get professional help."   
Ori looked at him, he wasn't able to form words but his eyes spoke volumes. Kili turned his hand in Ori's and hold it tight. "I'm here if you need me, in whatever way." Ori nodded.   
They set there for a cupel of minutes in silence, each man in his own thoughts, Kili still stroking Ori's chin and Ori stroking Kili's hand in his. 

Kili noticed Ori taking a deep breath like he did when he tried to find his courage. It made Kili curious, what was the other up to? He lifted is gaze. Ori smiled softly. "I probably should leave now..." - he swallowed, "but to be honest, I would love to spent a little more time with you, if it is no inconvenience for you."   
Kili couldn't help himself, but he had to laugh. This moment, where Ori fought his shyness and being polite as hell, made the man so adorable and sexy at the same time. Kili wasn't sure if he wanted to cuddle or kiss him first.   
Insecurity crept into Ori's eyes and Kili hastily collected himself. "Sorry I wasn't laughing at you. I was laughing because I had been thinking the same. - Is there anything you like to do today?"   
Ori shrugged, "I don't know really. We have pretty nice weather actually, but I don’t know much to do around here."   
"Then it is time, that you get to know this pretty little green island a little better." Kili smiled and blinked an eye. He was quite excited about the prospect to go on an "adventure" with Ori.   
"What do you think about a drive through the mountains and a visit to the Monastery?" Kili asked.   
Ori's face lit up with excitement. "That would be fantastic! I read so much about it and all the pictures are so lovely... - you really would do that for me? But please only if it is no inconvenience for you...-"   
Kili stroked his hand again. "Ori! I wouldn't have offered it and by the way, I love the drive through the mountains! It is usually so nice and quiet and the park around the monastery is beautiful with the two lakes. Actually, I'd like to show you one of my preferred places out of the city."   
"Ok, than-..." Ori whispered, obvious delight on his face.   
Kili couldn't stop smiling and he was restless. Fili got always so annoyed about his twitching and constant movement. It had gotten little better in the last years but now it was back. His leg was moving constantly and his free hand was fumbling around with his cup until it spilt over.   
"Nah shit!" Kili cursed and jumped from his chair before the tea could reach the edge of the table and his pants. Ori too moved quickly, snatching a towel from the kitchen counter and wiping at the spilt tea, laughing silently.   
"We better get moving, don't we?" Ori blinked is eyes and Kili stomach made a little jump again. Oh dear, he had a crush on this man, a very bad one.   
Kili nodded. "We need to stop at a supermarket on our way, I'm out of water and maybe we could grab some snacks for a little picnic later?"   
"Sounds wonderful! I assume we take you car?" "Yep! I parked it just around the corner."   
Kili grabbed Ori's hand and they both left the flat.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...When the music stopped Kili continued to hum. The melody variating a bit from what they had heard and it finally changed. It wasn't perfect, but it captured Kili's feelings, the atmosphere and the fairy-tale-like idea he had in mind. Due to his own humming, the melody would stuck in his head. He knew that this would be a long night. He wouldn't sleep until he had saved the basics of it on paper. To create something real and playable, worthy to listen to. It would take more time, days, weeks maybe month even, but he didn't care. He felt so alive, his head was buzzing from energy. It had been ages since his creativity had struck him like that. ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been a while... sorry for that!
> 
> I hope you like the new chapter. 
> 
> I still have no beta-reader, so you still have to love with my mistakes... :-(
> 
> The links below are to photos I took when I was in Ireland until the beginning of the week and it is to show you the place I had in mind when I wrote the chapter. 
> 
> http://zoeymcroyan.tumblr.com/post/160403655381/upper-lake-glendalough-monastery-fizzy-custard
> 
> http://zoeymcroyan.tumblr.com/post/160403696181/glendalough-monastery-fizzy-custard

The two young men were sitting on a picknick blanket in the orange glow of the sundown. The lake and the surrounding mountains were bathed in a soft light creating a magical atmosphere.  
Somewhere to the side, a group of musician played traditional Irish folk songs and the last of the remaining tourist were gathered there to listen.  
Ori shifted slightly, snuggling a little closer into Kili's body who nuzzled Ori's hair lightly. Kili loved the feeling of the other man laying in his arms, relaxed and calm, enjoying the day.  
He was still overwhelmed a little by the events. He knew Ori for a day now, but it felt like ages. He felt so peaceful and relaxed himself. Ori's smell and the feel of him were intoxicating. Kili never wanted to let the other go again. If they were to turn into stone like this, he wouldn't mind.  
Kili started to hummed softly to the traditional motives of the music, new ideas forming in his head, telling a tale of love and mystery.  
He could feel Ori straighten a bit. The other was listening intently. There were no signs of stress or uncomfort in the historian's movements.  
When the music stopped Kili continued to hum. The melody variating a bit from what they had heard and it finally changed. It wasn't perfect, but it captured Kili's feelings, the atmosphere and the fairy-tale-like idea he had in mind. Due to his own humming, the melody would stuck in his head. He knew that this would be along night. He wouldn't sleep until he had saved the basics of it on paper. To create something real and playable, worthy to listen to. It would take more time, days, weeks maybe month even, but he didn't care. He felt so alive, his head was buzzing from energy. It had been ages since his creativity had struck him like that.  
Kili had done solid work, composed nice songs as his clients had requested. It wasn't like he had done a soulless job or anything but it wasn't something from the bottom of his heart. The work had been satisfactory but it was nothing compared to the pleasure he felt right now.  
Ori set up and turned watching Kili. He was aware of it, but he was captured in his mind, in the flow of music in his head. He watched Ori who observed him, seeing something fascinating what drew a smile on the historians face. It was a real smile, it reached his eyes. The music in Kili's mind changed, from the beautiful scenery to the depth in the light brown orbs. He saw happiness, wonder and passion in them, but also tenderness and deep-rooted fear and loneliness. All of this translated into music. What Kili saw, he could never put into words, but he could translate it into music. This song would be Ori pure and true. Kili had no idea what had happened to the young man but he could feel a connection, and from what had passed between them he had an inkling. This song would be about a soft-hearted and strong hero, but definitely no prince in shining armour, no Ori was a hero of the little things, often overlooked but essential for a quest.

The sun was only a faint red glow now. It was almost dark. Kili had no idea how long they set like this and how long he had spaced of into his music.  
He could feel Ori shivering slightly in his arms. The other man had snuggled back into his embrace when the sun sank further and the air got chilly.  
Kili kissed Ori's hair and tugged him closer. "Are you all right? I'm sorry that I spaced of so completely." Kili felt embarrassed. It had never happened when he was with another person. He could get lost in his mind for hours, but he had always been alone.  
Ori laughed silently: "No, its fine Kili. It was fascinating. Your voice is wonderful and to watch your face and your eyes were... I don't know how to describe it. It was like reading a book, I had the feeling I could read a whole story. It felt like as you had taken me with you into you own fairy tale."  
Kili was stunned, his voice was hoarse: "Yeah, I..." he trailed off, unable to voice what he was feeling.  
Ori turned again in his arms, looking at him and slowly reaching out with his hand. Cold fingers brushed along his jawline softly. "When I hear you sing, I want to write poems, create worlds of magic and wonder, of fairies and many fantastic creatures... You are able to make me dream again!" Ori whispered, leaning forward and softly kissing Kili.  
In the first moment when Ori's soft lips brushed his, Kili was surprised and didn't return it, but before Ori could shy away, he cupped the other's cheek and kissed him tenderly again.

Ori melted in his arms. Kili held him exploring the others mouth carefully. The kissing stayed tender. It was passionate in its own way, but it had nothing sexual in it. It was full affection and comfort.  
Kili had shared tender kisses but most times it morphed into something heated, passionate and lustful, but this was different. He could full well imagine more than kissing between him and Ori but he felt that it was too early. Ori still fought daemons who made it hard for him to interact with people, to allow intimacy and sexual contact. This Kili had noticed.  
Sleeping with Ori wasn't his primary goal. Yes, he found the historian attractive and sexy, but it wasn't fast sex he wanted. The other man awakened in him a deep desire to care an protect and he felt excepted. Ori seemed to understand in a way what music mend for him, he had understood what he had given up to follow the calling of his soul.  
Kili still felt insecure, he had always been called reckless and naïve, sometimes stupid because of his passions. He always had to live up to his older brother. Fili was always perfect. No, he wasn't but it felt like it. Fili brought home all the good grates, was hardworking, he was the pride of the family. And Kili, well he had always felt like a disappointment, had felt like that he couldn't do anything right. It had always been so hard to focus on things he wasn't interested in but had to be done. There were always things more interesting which distracted him and he had the constant urge to move. Sitting in a classroom for a day was hell. The only times at a day where Kili could focus were in the music lessons, even during the theoretical parts and when Fili helped him with his homework. His brother was so calm and patient, that Kili could relax and focus. When Fili explained something to him it made sense for once and sometimes it was enough that he was in the room with Kili doing his own homework that the brunette could focus.  
It got better over the time, or more precise, Kili learned to channel his energy and focus on the things which needed to be done.  
It had been his biggest fear, that he wouldn't be able to focus enough, to deal with everyday life.  
Fili had helped him in the beginning with more than just money. He had stayed up for ours to just sit at his computer to talk to him via skype, to just be there and it had worked. Fili's encouragements had helped him through the first weeks.  
But Fili hadn't known everything. Kili's pride hadn't let him tell his brother. Fili had given him money before he had left and had transferred some more for the student fees as it became clear that his uncle hat cut his finances.  
Kili had never asked his brother for money again. By now he had paid him back, Fili didn't want the money, he earned enough at the family business but it had been a matter of pride to give it back.  
His self-esteem would probably have suffered a hard blow when he hadn't gotten the job at Bombur's. Without that money, he would have had to ask his brother for aid again.  
Life sometimes took strange ways and his mind too.

Ori's lips were so soft and tender. Kili could lose himself in the warm and soft touches of this lips. He felt so secure, so calm. Finally, all the bussing in his head shut down and he was only feeling.  
Ori was stroking his neck and their lips met again and again in soft brushes. After what seemed like an eternity, Kili felt the other's tongue brushing his lips shyly. He opened his mouth and when their tongues met, Kili was falling and this time Ori was holding him. The kissing was still tender but noticeable more passionate.  
Hell yes, Ori was attractive and by now Kili couldn't deny it, not that he wanted to. Kili shifted a bit. He didn't want to make Ori feel uncomfortable or to feel pressured into anything he didn't want to, that the other hopefully wouldn't notice Kilis erection.  
Ori sighed softly when Kili moved and their close contact loosened a little. Kili stroked through Ori's hair, keeping the contact, never stopping to kiss completely. Kili's hands moved slowly to Ori's face cupping it and there he felt it. Ori's cheeks were wet. Kili's eyes flew open in shock. Oh dear! What was wrong?  
Ori's eyes were still shut and Kili couldn't read the expression on the others face. In one moment he would have thought it was fear, but not quite, but also tenderness and happiness.  
Kili brushed a tear from Ori's cheeks. "Ori? Did I hurt you?" He asked in a scared whisper. Ori's eyes now flew open, too. In them, Kili could see a raging storm of emotions. Ori was barely able to hold his gaze, his mouth moving but no sound escaping his lips, he shook his head slightly instead.  
He swallowed hard, " could..." He croaked, barely audible and tried again: " Could you hold me a little longer, please?" Ori's voice still was barely more than a whisper and now Kili could see fear in the other man's eyes.  
"Of cause," Kili said and opened his arms for Ori to snuggle closer n the other man did just that. Kili could feel his silent sobs. A tremor ran through Ori's whole body and it felt like the historian would hold on for dear life.  
Kili took him in his arms cradling the other man but carefully avoiding that the other would feel trapped.  
Kili was following his instincts. He had never dealt with a person who had suffered abuse and he was sure now that Ori had been a victim of abuse in a way. Kili had seen it with a classmate. She had broken down after a private music session some of Kili and his classmates did. She had been part of that group. One evening after a very intense session, she just lost it, broke down an cried. They all had seen the changes in her for weeks but had been unable to help her. In the end her best friends took care of her and her boyfriend got arrested. It had taken month after that before the woman took up her studies and even longer to come to the free music sessions again.  
Kili never had a close contact, but he remembered. He still was so angry at that man!  
Kili took a deep breath. He needed to calm down, his angry emotions would probably make anything worse.

It was dark now. The moon was bright in the open sky filled with stars. It was a peaceful night.  
Ori had quieted down. Kili could feel his even breathing, a hand was softly stroking little circles on his back.  
"I don't know what it is with you," Ori whispered. There was no accusation in his voice, it was more wonder. "I barely know you. - But with you, I feel save." He paused again. "I haven't felt save in a long while... - It scares me, it scares me so much! - The last time I trusted, I got burned so badly that I wasn't sure if I could survive it.- But with you I'm feeling alive, like a human being for the first time in forever!" Kili could hear Ori swallow hard again. "Thank you Kili! Thank you for giving me hope again!" Ori's hand squeezed his side and that he loosened his hold of Kili, moving away from him.  
"I'm sorry to burden you with this." Ori stood up stepping a few steps away. Kili wasn't sure what to do. He wanted to take the other man in his arms again, show him, that he wasn't repulsed because of his struggles, he didn't want it to be over. It felt so much like the start of a breakup.  
Kili fought the urge to stand up and get close to Ori. He could sense that the other man needed the space.  
"You deserve better, than a broken person like me. But please know that I'm grateful for what you have done for me."  
Kili closed his eyes and took a deep painful breath, he had a lump in his throat. "Please, don't!" he croaked. "I have done nothing, just enjoyed your company and your closeness." He paused again. "I told you before, if you want it, I would love to be your friend. - And yes more if you want it."Kili swallowed again: "You are inspiring me, you make me feel so many things I can't put into words... - you fascinate me, your intelligence, the way you understand my passion for music..." Kili shook his head. "I don't believe in love at first side, but you woke something in me what had been sleeping for a very long time and it feels wonderful. If you want me in you life, as a friend, as something more, I'm offering. - I don't know if I deserve you, but I know that you don't have to fight on your own..."  
Ori turned, his eyes huge, a look of astonishment on his face. He stepped closer to the blanket again, slowly kneeling in front of Kili, who didn't move despite his desperate wish to cradle the other man.  
"You mean it!" Ori's voice was full of wonder and astonishment. He pressed his eyes shut and spoke further with a shaky voice: "He always said that no one would love me, that no one would ever be interested in a nerdy, shy little mouse like me. I should be glad that he took me. He said it so often that I eventually started believing him...-"  
Kili kept quiet, he didn't know what to say. There were no words for comfort and he felt hate so much of it to that unknown bastard who had hurt a wonderful being like Ori so deeply. He wanted to scream and to cry, somehow getting rid of his twirling emotion, but he did nothing of it. Instead he started humming softly. The melody was just forming in his mind. He didn't know if it was something he had heard before, but he didn't care.  
After a few minutes, Ori lifted his head and opened his eyes slowly. There was so much pain in the brown orbs, but Kili could see the hope there too. His heart started hammering even faster in his chest.  
Oh dear, what was it with this man. He really was calling to something in his core. Kili had never felt something like this, not even with Tauriel and he had loved her.  
The historian reached out for Kili's hand, stroking it lightly. As Kili turned his hand they entangled their fingers and Ori leant closer, whispering in his ear: "I, - I would love to be with you, - as... - as more than friends. - but I don't know how far I can go...- "  
Kili squeezed his hand and smiled. "I'm glad to have you in my life! Everything else we will figure out"! He leant forward and brushed a soft kiss to Ori's forehead before humming again.  
When he leant back he could see a soft real smile on Ori's face.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili knew that his brother was near the breaking point, so he didn’t say anymore and started playing a soft Irish tune their granny always sang when the boys visited her. 
> 
> The memory of the carefree times in their childhood soothed Fili. He leant back again, his face relaxing and the haunted expression in his eyes softened. After a bit, Kili started singing along with his piano playing and Fili finally let go. He closed his eyes and lost himself in his brother’s music.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still have no Beta reader, so feel free pointing errors out to me, if you don't live with them... ;-)
> 
> This Chapter is for my dear calicoskatts. I'm glad that you are feeling better. Hope it cheers you up a little, even is the content is somewhat angsty.

The drive home was quiet, both men deep in thoughts. Kili was humming, softly. He was getting nervous, too much was going on in his head again. He couldn’t grasp the fleeting thoughts; his mind was jumping here and there. He was just glad that the streets were quiet that time of night. It took him so much energy to focus on driving and not giving into the restless buzzing in his head. 

At one point Ori’s hand reached out and cupped his hand over the stick-shift, stroking softly. Kili was so surprised over the effect it had. The buzzing was still there but he calmed down, the restlessness was tamed and he could focus.   
From his hand, speared warmth over him like a blanket, soothing and calming him. 

Kili stopped the car in front of Ori’s apartment. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His thumb slowly stroking the side of Ori’s hand.   
When the silence dragged on, Kili felt the restlessness return. He couldn’t help it, he needed to move. His toes and then his feet moved up and down, back and forth, whatever was possible in the small space of his car. 

When he opened his eyes, he could see Ori observing him, smiling kindly. “You are amazing Kili! You so full of energy and creativity. I wonder how you are able to control it all.” Ori chuckled lightly and leant forward kissing the musician tenderly.   
Kili melted into the kiss. Forgotten the answered to Ori’s wonders. 

 

The kiss was sweet and tender but grew more passionate after a while. Kili held himself back not wanting to spook the other man. He traced his hand softly over Ori’s back, stroking him lightly. He could feel the historian relax against him when he felt that Kili wouldn’t do anything more without a signal from Ori that it was ok.   
Ori stroked his face softly and nibbled at his lower lip, kissing softly along his jawline, before nuzzling into the crook of Kili’s neck. Ori’s hands were stroking along Kili’s sides and when he reached the rim of Kili’s shirt, tender fingers stroked softly over the exposed skin, where the shirt had ridden up due to the sitting and moving around in the car.   
Kili shivered. A shaky sigh escaped his mouth. He knew that he had to let Ori set the pace, but right now it was hard. He wanted to feel the other man, making him feel good, share the passion with him. Ohhhh… he wanted to touch Ori, wanted…. 

Kili felt Ori stiffen in his arms, his hand pushing him away with no success because they were trapped beneath his shirt. Ori was panting, but what clearly had been arousal a few seconds before was now fear. 

Kili loosened his grip. He had unconsciously grabbed Ori’s ass. He pushed up his shirt to free Ori’s hands. The other man scooted to the other side of the car opening the door and nearly tumbling out of the vehicle. 

He stood there shaking and panting, a mixture of panic and dismay on his face. It hurt to see that wonderful man so afraid. Kili knew that he wasn’t the reason. With his unconscious reaction to the arousal he had felt, he probably triggered something in the other man.   
He hated it, he hated his lack of self-control. He closed his eyes once more and took a deep breath again before he slowly stepped out of the car and slowly circling around it. He kept his distance, afraid of the reaction of the other man.   
Ori was still shaking, his eyes downcast to the ground. He was breathing deep and slow. It looked like a breathing exercise. 

Kili had tried it himself. A therapist back in New Zealand thought it would help him to focus and calm down.   
It had never worked, he just has gotten more restless, his mind going into overdrive most of the times. Sometimes, when he was creating music it would help, when he closed his eyes focusing for a moment on his breathing and then letting his mind loose, he saw pictures and whole new worlds in front of him, it was a dream travel of thoughts which translated into music. This moment of focus was only short but afterwards, he could dive into composing for hours.   
His family hated this trance like state of him. His mum and uncle did everything to keep him out of it. For them, the education for business was what counted.   
His brother always noticed, when the pressure got too much for Kili and he tried his best to provide the much-needed breathing space for his younger brother. 

One of the pieces Kili had written in that time got him the admission to university. He still loved that piece. He had written it for, or better over his brother and Fili had understood, what Kili wanted to tell him.   
They had been so close. Kili missed his brother. He hadn’t seen him in years, only via skype. 

Kili had stood silent, deep in his own thoughts, when he looked up, Ori had calmed down. The historian’s eyes glanced up meeting Kili’s for a brief moment, before darting away. Kili could see the other swallowing before he gazed at him again. Kili smiled gently. It was obvious that Ori was fighting to hold the eye contact. 

Kili stretched out his hand holding his palm up. The distance was great enough that he wouldn’t invade Ori’s personal space and not accidentally touch him. 

Ori studied his hand for a long minute before stepping toward him and taking it. He took in a deep breath and opened his mouth, but before the historian could speak, Kili shook his head. “Don’t apologise! There is nothing to apologise for. I understand! And if there is an apology needed it’s from me. I should have had more control over myself and shouldn’t have touched you like that without your permission.”

Ori’s brown, sole full eyes widened. Kili couldn’t quite read what they wanted to say, gratitude, relief, hope maybe?  
Ori’s mouth opened, but no words left his lips. He closed it and tried again, still not able to speak.   
Kili stroked softly over the side of Ori’s hand and the grip around his hand tightened. A shy, soft smile tugged at the corners of Ori’s lips. 

“Thank you, Kili!” Ori’s voice trembled and his eyes darted away, he was again fighting with nerves. Kili never stopped stroking Ori’s hand.   
He wasn’t sure if he could risk it but what other chance would he have. He cleared his throat, once, twice. Suddenly feeling shy himself. This moment felt so important, equally important as the audition he had for university. 

“Ori? I would love to see you again. You know where to find me and I will leave you my number. Please contact me if you like to meet again or just talk… whatever you want.”   
The bright smile which blossomed on Ori’s face gave him hope that not everything was lost.   
Ori squeezed his hand once more before he let go. Kili searched for a pen and a piece of paper. He scribbled his number on it before handing it to the other man. 

Ori was still smiling. He understood the gesture for what it was and Kili could see his great fullness. “Thank you, Kili! Thank you for the wonderful time with you. I will contact, I promise.”

Kili blushed and a wide grin spread on his face. The soft word felt like a tender kiss and the butterflies from earlier returned. 

“Sleep well! I’m looking forward to hearing from you!” “I will! And you sleep well, too!” With that, Ori turned and opened his front door, before he closed it, the historian turned and waved Kili a goodbye. 

 

It was hours later now, the sun already up. A peaceful quiet still lay over the city and only a few people were already up and working.   
The sky was bright blue, with the lingering bits of a rose and orange glow from the early morning sun; some fog still lingered over the Liffey.   
It wasn’t often that Kili was up that early.   
He hadn’t been able to sleep.   
When he returned home, he was giddy with excitement and arousal. The encounter in the car still lingered.   
He had taken a shower in the hopes to calm down under the warm water. In the end, he had to admit that it wasn’t working.   
He didn’t want to think of Ori in a sexual way, not yet. He wasn’t sure if they would ever have the chance for a relationship in the classical sense. Yeah, and with that, he meant having sex, too.   
Kili was afraid if he admitted his physical attraction toward the other man that he wouldn’t be able to keep a distance and to go the slow pace Ori needed.   
He wanted more than just sex from the historian. He wanted to get to know him. It wasn’t out of pity. It wasn’t a wired helpers-complex, to fix a broken soul! No thank you. But if helping Ori fighting his demons meant, being with him and fighting for a chance to build a relationship as friends or lovers he would take it. 

Kili was fully aware that a friendship wouldn’t be easy and that it would need lots of self-control from his part to not cross the lines but if it was what he could get he would respect it.   
But yes, he wanted more. The feeling of Ori’s body in his arms, when he woke in the morning or sitting at the lake just felt great. He wanted that more often. But what haunted him were Ori’s hands on his bare skin, stroking softly, exploring and teasing a bit. He still could feel Ori’s kisses, the soft nips on his lower lip and along his jawline. 

Kili closed his eyes, leaning against the tiles of the wall. The warm water cascading over his body.   
He saw light brown eyes in front of him, sparkling with mischief. A soft smile showing on the lush, kiss-swollen lips of the other man. Soft fingers drew lines from his chin over his throat down his chest, circling his navel to ascend again. The finger now tracing up the left side of his chest circling his nipple, before stroking and caressing it. A shuddering breath escaped Kili’s lips.   
Soft lips brushed his ear: “You like that?” asked a teasing voice and Kili could only nod before smooth lips captured his again and a second had traced his right chest and started caressing his nipple. 

Now hands explored his chest, not only single digits. Soft strong hands stroked his chest his back and his ass, cupping it before he was pressed into a wet naked body. Kili could feel his partners’ arousal, their hard cocks trapped between them. He couldn’t help himself and grind against the other's body, needing the friction. A moan escaped his lips before he captured his partners’ lips again in a fevered kiss. 

A hand snaked in between them, grabbing both their cocks and slowly starting to stroke. Slow measured, teasing movements, too good to stop but not enough for satisfying his need. Another moan escaped Kili and he could hear the other breathing heavily. His partners face was buried in the crook of Kili’s neck, nipping and licking softly in-between heavy breathing. 

Kili reached around his partner, stroking his back, his ass, pulling him closer. He needed more, more contact, harder stroking and faster.   
His partner monad and bit Kili in his shoulder, it wasn’t painful. The sting was arousing and another deep moan escapes Kili’s lips. The grip around their joined cocks tightened and Kili shivered with pleasure, both men were panting heavily, lost in sensation, pleasure building, with a gasp and another moan Kili felt the warm release of the other on his hand and stomach. With the last stroke, he found release himself. A deep moan escaped him with a shudder. 

When he opened his eyes, he was still alone in his shower. Now shivering because the water had turned cold. 

The pleasure had been a little better. Well, there was no way to deny it, he was attracted to Ori, very much so. But well that was clear from the beginning he realised. They had gone home together and the intention had been clear. It had come a little different. Kili chuckled to himself. Who was he fooling? No one, not even himself. 

Kili shook his head, still smiling, sometimes he even confused himself. 

He had slept a bit but woke when the night sky slowly turned blue. He was awake, with the urge to do something. He wasn’t restless jet, but it would come if he didn’t do something about it. 

He made himself a cup of coffee and grabbed his guitar before sitting down in front of the large window to his little balcony overlooking the city. 

Kili would have loved to be sitting outside hearing the city awaken, but he didn’t want to wake the neighbours with his playing. For the same reason, he had chosen the guitar and not the piano. He would change to the piano later to work out the deficile parts. 

To capture the melody in his head, the guitar worked just fine. 

 

Kili placed the guitar to the side, scribbled down the last few notes before he stood up opened the window and stepped outside into the cool morning air.   
The city lay peaceful beneath him. He took a deep breath in a soft glow of the morning. Just a few cars were driving through the quiet streets this early on a Sunday morning.   
He saw the nurse from the building opposite his leaving for work, cuddled into a soft cardigan against the morning chill.   
In the distance, he could hear a siren wailing, birds were singing and the sea gulls cackling.   
He loved his new home, the city, the people, the land around. He still missed New Zealand, but here he had his life, which he had fought for. Here he was not rich, not important, here he was just Kili, a musician, who worked in a music store, gave lessons and played in a bar. He was happy with that. He was standing on his own feet, not only scraping by, no, he could live from his work and he was doing what he loved. Music!

His thoughts drifted to the shy historian again.   
What was Ori doing right now? Kili chuckled softly and shook his head slightly, most likely sleeping.   
The image of Ori’s relaxed sleeping face in his arms crossed his mind and his smile widened and butterflies erupted in his stomach. 

 

Kili stepped inside, made himself a cup of tea, before getting his laptop and headphones and taking everything outside on the balcony. 

He opened his computer, starting skype. His smile returned. His brother had sent him pictures.   
Photography was Fili’s way to express himself. Kili knew his brother would love to spend more time on it but well business.   
He had taken gorgeous landscape shots from the South Island. Fili probably used a few hours between business meetings. 

His brother was online, so Kili sent him a text: “Nice pic brother! You are having time for a chat?”  
Seconds later Kili heard the ringtone in his headphones. Accepting the call the smiling face of his brother appeared on the screen. 

“Hey! Good morning brother! You are up early!” Fili greeted him. Kili grinned. “Yeah well couldn’t sleep.”   
Fili angled his head studying his brother for a moment. “Can’t be bad what’s keeping you awake, the way you are smiling!”   
Kili blushed. Even over the internet, his brother could read him like a book.   
“Well, no.” Kili paused, taking a deep breath and then everything burst out. Kili had no chance to stop himself. He needed to tell Fili all about Ori. He wanted to share his feelings with his brother.   
Kili told him how he had met the historian and all the things what had happened. He told Fili from his suspicion that someone in the other man’s past had abused him and that Kili was afraid to do something wrong and make it worse, he talked about his fear of losing Ori and how confused he was himself that he had fallen so easy and quick for someone. 

Fili patiently listened through Kili’s outburst and when his younger brother finished he smiled. “Well, that Ori themes to be a very special person.” Kili blushed again. “Sorry, for talking so much…” Fili smiled for an answerer. “Hey! I know you for your whole life! Don’t you think, that I can see that this is important for you and when have I ever let you talk if I didn’t want to listen?” Kili laughed. “Well that has never happened, you always listen to me patiently…” he trailed off, a lump forming in his throat. Kili cleared it. “I miss you Fili! I’m so glad that you are listening, no one else does, or better I most times feel like you are the only one who understands me.” 

Fili sight. “I miss you too little brother! I miss your chaos, your constant chattering your restlessness, around here! The house is too quiet without you!” He sighed again. “Sometimes I wish I have had the courage you had and had just left too. I’m so sick of it all. Thorin’s controlling is getting worse and worse. Sometimes I think he is totally paranoid, accusing the stuff of stealing from him. I’m just glad that uncle Balin and Dwalin are able to keep him in check. The only one he really listens to his mum. It is tiring to communicate everything I do through her. If I’m saying anything myself, he won’t even listen., treating me like a child.” Fili paused, shaking his head. When he gazed back into the camera Kili could see the sadness and tiredness in his brothers’ eyes. He had given up so much to fulfil the wishes of the family and now he was treated like that. “Maybe I should react like one? Maybe I should just once in my life do what I really want.” Another pause and the Fili smiled warmly again: “Well, but I’m glad that it looks like that you found someone who understands you beside me.” Fili blinked his eye.   
Kili chuckled softly and then grew serious again. It was the first time that Fili had so openly spoken of the situation at home.   
Kili always knew that the situation wasn’t easy for his brother and that he suffered. Kili had read it between the lines. He had done his best to comfort his brother and tried giving him strength.   
Sometimes Fili asked him to play for him and Kili never said no. He then could see how the tension left his brother and how he was finally able to relax. More than once had the blonde fallen asleep listening to Kili playing. 

 

“I’m sorry to hear that! I wish I could do something for you, really!” Kili answered quietly.   
“It’s ok Kili! It felt good to speak it out loud. There is not much I can do right now, but I’m looking for ways to change something. I just need more time.” Fili smiled softly. “Well, there is something you could do for me…” Kili returned his brothers smile, “You’d like to listen to some music?” The blonde just nodded, his features already relaxing and the deep lines in his forehead eased. 

“Just a moment! I need to get inside to the piano!” 

Kili stepped inside, placing the Laptop on a small table, that the camera faced the piano and he plugged in the microphone he had specially bought for the times he played to Fili. 

 

He grabbed a glass of water and placed on the other side of the piano. Kili set down readying himself to play. 

“Kili?” his brother asked. The brunet turned to the monitor. “Please take care of yourself. I can see that the man means a lot to you, but sometimes it is just too much to bear! Please don’t get hurt!” the concern in Fili’s voice touched him.   
“I will take care, I promise, but I want at least try to be with him. I know that it is not on me to help him. That he must do on his own, hopefully with a therapist, well but maybe I can make it a little easier.”   
Fili smiled. “You have such a great heart and you are always so optimistic. I wish I could have a little of your optimism and soft-heartedness.” 

“Fili! Really” Kili burst out. “I don’t know anyone who has a bigger heart than you have. You always take care of everyone, you feel responsible for all the people around you! You would never let anyone down, even if they kick you in the ass!” 

Fili’s eyes widened. “Fili, you are the kindest person I know! You care so much for others that I always fear you are forgetting yourself! Don’t let them belittle you, brother! You deserve better.” Kili could see the blond swallow hard. He was fighting to keep his composure. Kili didn’t feel the need to pressure his brother further so he started to hum softly.   
When his brother looked up, Kili smiled at him. “Make yourself comfortable, get a drink and relax. This is just for you!” 

Before Kili could start Fili asked: “Do I have a chance to hear some of the pieces you worked on this morning?” The brunet cocked his head. “Well, it is not finished jet. It’s still raw like I had it in my mind…” “I would love to hear that. I want to hear what you are feeling right now. Your happiness calms me.” 

Kili took a deep breath. His brother wasn’t well at all. He knew that he was feeling like drowning. It wasn’t the first time. The last time Fili was at this point it nearly ended with a tragedy.   
Kili had unconsciously started playing and Fili closed his eyes leaning back into the cushions of the sofa he had changed into during their conversation. His face was drawn. He looked tired and much older than the last time the brothers had talked. He looked way too old. 

“Fili! Take care of yourself!” Kili muttered. The blondes’ eyes opened. Guilt was shown in them. Fili always tried to protect his younger brother. He felt always guilty when Kili noticed that he wasn’t feeling well and Kili always knew. The brunet was way too sensible for not noticing. 

“If you have a chance, take a break! Come over here! You are always welcome!” 

Fili smiled a wobbly smile and whispered a barely audible thank you.   
Kili knew that his brother was near the breaking point, so he didn’t say anymore and started playing a soft Irish tune their granny always sang when the boys visited her. 

The memory of the carefree times in their childhood soothed Fili. He leant back again, his face relaxing and the haunted expression in his eyes softened. After a bit, Kili started singing along with his piano playing and Fili finally let go. He closed his eyes and lost himself in his brother’s music. 

 

Kili had no idea how long he just played and sang song after song, some pieces of his, some of the things he had started on this morning.   
His brother had long fallen asleep at the other side of the world. At one point the blond had curled up on the sofa like a cat. Kili smiled to himself. Some things never changed.   
He would have loved to walk over to the sofa and drape a blanket over the sleeping form so that the blond would sleep deeply the whole night and not waking at one point from the cold.   
At his side of the world it was summer now, but in New Zealand it was winter. 

Kili watched his brother sleep for a while, intending to cut the connection but found that he couldn’t. He wanted to be with his brother for just a little bit longer. 

He pulled his gaze from the Laptop and returned to his notes from the morning and started playing and writing again. 

The presence of his sleeping brother calmed him. The lurking restlessness faded to a background noise, easy to ignore.   
It had been years since he had worked focused like this for hours. 

Sometime during the day, Fili woke. He just smiled at Kili fondly, got up to return a bit later with a blanket and curled up on the sofa again. Watching Kili for a few minutes work, before he fell asleep again.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili yawned, sitting at his kitchen table staring at the dark skype window. He was tired after the busy day at the shop. He was hungry too, but he couldn't decide on what to eat. His mind was running in circles again. 
> 
> He couldn't get the historian out of his mind, but that wasn't it, not at all. He was worried about Fili, really worried this time. They had talked again just a view minutes ago before the blonde had to leave for work. 
> 
> His brother's eyes had been sunken and dull. The lines in his face were that of a way older man. Fili was looking worn out. The mischief and the sparkle had left his eyes entirely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been a while, but finally here is a new one... 
> 
> This fic keeps surprising me and took a turn I hadn't expected. 
> 
> I have to provide another trigger warning! 
> 
> So if you are not comfortable to read over a person being suicidal and someone caring for that person, you shouldn't read this. 
> 
> There is no actual suicide attempt in here! 
> 
> I hope you like it anyway!

Kili stood behind the counter of the music store, staring out of the window. He was tired but so restless at the same time. It was Thursday, and he hadn't slept well. Too much occupied is mind, the situation back in New Zealand was getting worse by the day, and a certain historian crept into his thoughts quite often. 

Outwardly Kili appeared calm, only the rhythmic tapping of his finger gave him away slightly, but in his mind, a storm was raging. He couldn’t forget the soulful brown eyes of the historian. He couldn’t forget the soft lips and the tender hands of the other man. He wanted to feel him again; he wanted to feel that peace and calm like he had at the lake. 

Kili didn't know what it was, but the historian's presence calmed him somehow. It was a little like with his brother but in a way entirely different. No one had such an effect on Kili ever. He couldn't grasp what it was, his mind was still in a kind of overdrive but more channelled and focused. He felt safe, not judged, not deemed strange, annoying or exhausting with Ori. He had never had felt this kind of acceptance with anyone than his brother. It scared Kili a little, he knew Ori, if you would stretch it, for a little more than a week and the other man already had such an effect on him. He wasn't sure if it was good, but it sure as hell felt like it. 

Tauriel had peaked his creativity, sure but she had never understood Kili's antics and problems fully. She had excepted them, and she learned to live with them, but Kili had never felt entirely safe, with her. He had thought it was inevitable that only his brother would accept him as who he was and that he was just a bit too much for the rest of the world. He had decided that Tauriel's acceptance was enough and that he could try a bit harder to not drive her crazy with is restlessness and distractedness. He even got back into therapy for her, because he loved her. He wanted to have a life with her, but in the end, it wasn't enough. She had grown tired of him and turned to someone more comfortable to live with. 

 

Kili's eyes were burning. Tauriel's betrayal still hurt. It had wounded him deeply. He hadn't been able to trust anyone, but on a superficial level, in fear, someone close would leave him again because of his being him. 

Well, his medication helped a lot, but it only took the edge off. It had been hard to find the right dosage, too much and he was dulled and couldn't do anything really, especially no music. He hated that state. Leaving off the pills completely had nearly destroyed him. He was creative as hell but never able to finish a project before his mind got bored and everyday life wasn't manageable at all. 

After the breakup with Tauriel, he had tried for a while without the medication. It had been freeing in a way. He had felt like he could fly for a few weeks and poor all his heartache into music, but it never worked. The crash had been heard. If not for Fili keeping an eye on him from a distance and the care of Bombur and his family it would have ended in a disaster. Bills had piled up, and his flat had been a mess, he hadn't eaten properly, always to distracted and he nearly lost his job. 

In the end, with Fili's soft prodding, he picked himself up and contacted his therapist. Together they changed the medication and found a dosage which allowed Kili to function but not suppress his creativity. It had been a long way, but he learned his lesson. 

Bombur and his wife Mina had been a huge help too. When they took him aside one afternoon, expressing their concern about his behaviour and his weight loss, he told them. Mina hugged him tight and asked him if there was anything she could do to help. 

Kili had been so glad he had just cried for what had felt an hour. Afterwards, she had gone with him to his flat and together they had cleaned and sorted all the piles. She made sure all bills where paid and made a plan of what was to do. 

Without that help, Kili would have lost everything he had fought for so hard. 

After that, it had been still hard to focus sometimes until his medication was right again, but he was on track again. He even dared to talk to his boss, Mr O'Sullivan and apologise for his unreliability. 

His boss had been understanding and told him with a smile, that he was glad to have Kili back, but if something like this was happening again, Kili should talk to him earlier, because he didn't want to lose Kili as an employee. Kili was so relieved at that time! It wasn't the most fulfilling job, but it gave him the opportunity do what he loved, to compose and play music. He could play in the shop when it was quiet, he could provide his lessons, and it got him, into contact with clients. 

He loved to play with his boss when his arthritis allowed it. Mr O'Sullivan was an excellent Violinist. He had played for years in famous orchestras until arthritis made it impossible. Together they had worked out some problems Kili was struggling within his compositions. The other man was a professional musician after all and had an excellent ear. He wasn't a composer but had heard and played so much that he had an intimate knowledge of music and could provide some ideas and solutions. 

Kili was awakened from his thoughts when the doorbell rang. A young woman was standing uncertainly in the front of the shop. 

Kili took a deep breath and smiled friendly. "How may I help you, Miss?" 

 

\--- 

 

Kili yawned, sitting at his kitchen table staring at the dark skype window. He was tired after the busy day at the shop. He was hungry too, but he couldn't decide on what to eat. His mind was running in circles again. 

He couldn't get the historian out of his mind, but that wasn't it, not at all. He was worried about Fili, really worried this time. They had talked again just a view minutes ago before the blonde had to leave for work. 

His brother's eyes had been sunken and dull. The lines in his face were that of a way older man. Fili was looking worn out. The mischief and the sparkle had left his eyes entirely. 

The last time Kili had seen his brother in this state, it nearly had ended in a tragedy. 

Uncle Thorin had increased the pressure on the blonde more and more. In his uncle's eyes, Fili had been responsible for Kili's leaving and nothing and no one could convince him otherwise. At the same time, Fili's lover had left him. The pressure and expectations of the family were getting too much for the man. 

The brunet had spent nights glued to the screen of his laptop and every spare minute of the day, just to check on his brother and to make sure he was still alive. 

It was that time, six years ago that he had last talked to his mother. He had begged her to get Fili out of the line of fire and shield him from the anger of her brother. 

She did, and she was grateful Kili had taken care of Fili, but he wasn't forgiven. In her mind, his betrayal ran too deep. 

He didn't know what to do. Should he try to contact their mother again? Would she even listen? Should he dare and fly home or would it make everything worse? And what was with the time he would spend flying. It would be nearly two days in which Fili couldn't reach him. 

Kili closed his eyes and tears escaped them, rolling slowly over his stubbled cheeks, leaving burning hot tracks behind. He swallowed hard. Yes, he was concerned, more than concerned. Kili was scared for his brother. 

He sat there in silence, his mind never quite but without any apparent thought coming out of it. Kili desperately wished for someone just to hold him, to tell him everything would be all right or for Fili to call him, but he was alone, utterly alone and skype punished him with silence. 

Kili had no idea how long he set in his kitchen, rocking in his chair, sobbing; he couldn't stop, he felt so helpless. That the sun had faded, he hadn't noticed at all. It wasn't important; nothing was really. 

Suddenly his phone beeped. It startled Kili so much that he actually fell off his stool. It had done its trick and brought the brunet back to the here and now. A massive sigh of relief escaped him, seeing the ID on the screen. It was from his brother, who was telling him he was ok and that he would call him later. 

It didn't erase Kili's worries, but at least he could sleep the night without fearing the worst would happen. His brother had noticed Kili's concern and remembered the last time. This message was a promise to Kili that he wasn't going to do anything stupid and would be still there in the evening. 

Kili decided that he would give his brother the day, but if he still were that desperate by the next call, Kili would contact their mother. There was no way around it. He didn't care if his pride got crushed or his hopes to may one day have contact with her again, what mattered now was Fili's safety, even from himself. 

Kili gathered himself up from the floor and fell into bed. His exhaustion was claiming him. 

\--- 

In the early hours of the morning, Kili woke to the ringing of his phone. He didn't even open his eyes before answering: "Good Morning Fi! How are you?" His brother answered with a soft chuckle: " Good morning Ki! Sorry for waking you but I needed to hear your voice and make sure you aren't worrying too much!" Kili sighed and set up in bed rubbing his eyes. "Do I have to worry? Be honest Fili!" The other man sighed heavily: " Well, not anymore! I don't see a perspective at the moment, but the thought of hurting you isn't barrable. It keeps me going." 

Kili's eyes burned, and he had a massive lump in his throat, his voice barely more than a croaked whisper: "I love you, brother! What can I do to help you? Please, Fili let me help you!" 

"I love you to Kili! You are helping me right now! You kept me sane all these years!" Fili's voice was thick with emotions and on the brink of breaking. In the background, Kili could hear a siren and a horn from a car. " Are you driving?" Fili chuckled softly; his brother knew how much Kili hated it when the blonde phoned him when he was driving. "No brother, actually, I'm standing in a parking lot, ready to get out for my next appointment. I needed some peace to talk to you." "Thank you!" Kili was relieved. " Take care and don't work too long! Call me or text me whenever you feel like it, ok?" "Yes, Ki, I will!" The blonde promised softly. "You are playing tonight, aren't you?" 

"Right, maybe text me at that time!" He asked a little sheepishly. His tone coaxed a soft laugh from his brother. "I miss you, little brother!" "Miss you, too!" 

"Talk to you soon, Ki! - Have to go now. My Appointment is due in a few minutes." The blonde apologised. 

"Bye! Talk later!". 

Kili set in his bed, the room filled with the soft light of the early morning. The silence was ringing, it made him nervous, but he was still so tired. 

The brunet leaned back on his pillow, staring up at the ceiling, observing the dust dancing in a ray of sunlight. 

Fili had sounded better, but without seeing his brothers face, he was never sure. Usually, Kili was pretty good in picking up the nuances of Fili's voice, but the blond was incredible good to obtain a façade, especially over the phone. 

His gut told him that his brother was better. Even without being able to pinpoint it, he had subconsciously picked something up what told him that Fili was stable for now. 

\--- 

 

The day at the shop was busy again, but Kili didn't mind. It kept him occupied and his mind away from worrying over his brother and the bitter realisation that he probably wouldn't see Ori again. 

Well, life would go on. It had been a pleasant dream for a bit, and he would use the positive feeling he still had from meeting the historian to write music. It had opened something up in Kili he hadn't been able to reach for a long time. Despite all the worries and the disappointment, he felt so much more alive than in years. 

Somehow his perspective on life had changed, not fundamentally but for him in a significant way. 

Kili shook his head. Hell, he was contemplative these days. The brunet had to chuckle over himself. 

It was nearly time for the afternoon lesson. Kili enjoyed this one in particular. It had started more as a kind of therapy-thing for him and Alan. Kili didn't know what diagnosis Alan had, but it didn't matter. Four years back his psychologist had asked him if he could think of giving piano lessons to a client of a colleague. 

At first, Kili had been sceptical. He wasn't sure if he was suited for that. He just had been able to pick up his own life and still fought with the consequences of the mess he had produced. 

He had been surprised to learn, that his therapist had recommended him. He had been convinced that Kili would profit from it as much as the boy. 

The first lesson had been awkward at best. It had been Kili, Alan, his mother and Dr Peterson, Alan's therapist. 

To get prepared for the lessons, Kili had long talks with Dr Peterson and his Therapist. They had tried to prepare Kili for what to expect and what he had to look for, but it hadn't helped much. Kili hadn't been able to get into contact with Alan. The boy just hid behind his mother and at one point shut down completely, sitting on the floor rocking, unreachable or everyone. 

Kili had felt so sorry, he felt like he had done everything wrong, he felt like a complete failure. In the end, he started to play the piano. More to calm himself but it had a positive effect on Alan too. It had taken only minutes before Alan calmed down and listened intently. Nothing more came of that first session, but after a while, Alan started to trust Kili, asked him questions and carefully touched the keys of the piano with amazement in his eyes that he had produced a note. 

Four years later, Alan was still quiet and careful but much more open and able to interact with people. 

Alan entered the shop with a broad smile, looking excited. "Well, there, someone had a good day I presume?" Kili asked cheerfully. It always lifted his spirit to see the boy happy. "Hi, Kili!" Alan greeted and blushed. Kili lifted a questioning eyebrow, his smile whitening. Alan blushed even more what coaxed a chuckle from Kili. 

It was a delicate line, joking with the boy and teasing him a little, so Kili decided to drop the subject, to not pressure Alan further. 

"So, are you ready to start the lesson?" Alan nodded still smiling. "What would you like to play?" 

Now the blush returned, and the boy dropped his gaze to the floor. Kili had a suspicion what this behaviour was about. Alan was 15, and he had seen him shyly interact with a girl the same age in front of the store a few days ago. Alan had pointed out the instruments to the girl who had listened intently. It was kind of cute. 

Kili wasn't sure if it was because of Alan being Alan or being a 15-year-old boy, but Kili knew he wouldn't get an answer. Smiling to himself, he shuffled through his notes to search for a romantic song Alan could learn quickly.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Kili, he found me! He waltzed back into my life in my flat and just took over. At first, I was paralysed, I couldn't do anything. It was like I had never been away and it started all over again." Ori was shivering now, his whole body shaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one keeps surprising me with every new chapter... and I still like it, even with all the angst and drama... Somehow it pretty close to my heart. Thank who ever entity or good fortunes I never experienced anything like Ori did. I have no idea why my mind is coming up with it. I hope his behaviour is plausible.   
> Kili is a different matter. Some of his behaviours are close to my own experiences. It gave me the inspiration to create a longer fic in the first place. 
> 
> So whenever you think something is unclear, not plausible or you have any advice for me, you are more than welcome to tell me or ask me any questions you have. 
> 
> Feel free to also contact me via Tumblr: http://zoeymcroyan.tumblr.com/ too. It doesn't have to be specific about the fic. 
> 
> Please note, that I'm working fulltime, with lots of overtime and many weekend on congresses and stuff. That's way updating is that infrequent. If you are not getting an immediate answer, it's probably because I hadn't had time for it right away. 
> 
> I would love to get some feedback tho. 
> 
> Enjoy the read and have a good day!
> 
> Zoey

"You are looking troubled my dear!" A soft maternal voice asked Kili before a warm hand squeezed his shoulder. Mina always noticed it when something occupied Kili's mind, but most times she waited patiently until he was ready to talk to her.

Today Kili was glad she didn't. He needed an opening because he wasn't sure how to start. Mina was a little bit like a surrogate mother for him. She never judged him, she just had an eye on him and was there and listened, as she did for her own children.

Mina and Bombur felt more like family for a long time now then his biological family back in New Zealand, with the exception of Fili of course.

Kili set in the backyard of the pub, enjoying the sunshine. He hadn't gone home like he usually did. He needed people around him; he couldn't be alone right now.

"Well," Kili started with a sigh, "I'm worried about my brother." Mina nodded understandingly and squeezed his should reassuringly again before she went inside to get a pot of tea.

She always did that, when there was a serious talk coming, and Kili loved her for it. Not only was the hot beverage comforting, but he also had something to occupy his hands with, what made it so much easier to focus and it gave him the time to sort his thoughts.

Mina returned a few minutes later with a steaming teapot and two cups, placing them on a small side table before filling the cups and handing one to the musician, with a warm smile.

"Is it you uncle increasing the pressure again?" She asked. Kili nodded: "Yes, it's part of the problem." He pauses, not sure how to explain the whole mess. "I'm afraid that Fili might harm himself. He promised me not to, and I'm waiting for call or text from him in the next hours. I'm not sure how much more pressure and unjustified critic he can take before he snaps." Kili felt so helpless, and he told the older woman that and the whole mess around the family business and Thorin's irrational behaviour. She sighs heavily. "I wish I could help you, honey. Have you thought of contacting your mother again?" She asked carefully. "I have, but I decided to give Fili a little more time to sort out the mess and to find his own way. It is never easy when mother interferes." The brunet explained. Bombur's wife nodded understandingly, "If there is anything I can do to help you with Kili, please ask! You know you are like a son for us, don't you?" Kili smiled, feeling much better already. "Thank you, Mina! You already helped a lot. Just talking about it made it much easier to bare."

The older woman got up, squeezing his shoulder once more still smiling warmly at him. "You are welcome, my dear! Did you have dinner?" A sheepish grin spread on Kili's face, and he shook his head. "Not yet, I got here from work directly. I hadn't felt like being alone at home." Mina winked, "Irish stew?" Kilis eyes widened with delight and his mouth watered. Mina's stew was the best. "Oh!" He exclaimed, "You know I love you forever! That would be brilliant!" The older woman chuckled, "You are such a sweet-talker Kili! And yes, I love you too!" With that, she left the backyard to return to her realm. The woman was an even better cook than her husband. Together they were unbeatable.

Kili took in a deep breath, feeling a lot more light-hearted than before. He wasn't alone in it.

 

 

 

Laughter and music filled the large main room of the pub. Kili's fingers flew over the keys of the piano, his mind quiet for once. His sole focus was on the music. He even felt like singing tonight. The musician knew that he had a good voice, but it was rare that he felt like singing for more than a couple of songs. Today it distracted him nicely, and the customer seemed to like it.

After two hours Kili took his first break, needing to use the toilet and he wanted to check his phone for messages from his brother. To his immense relief, he found a message from the blonde, telling him not to worry, that he was okay but pretty busy over the day and not sure when he would be able to call.

Kili was glad, he received the message but wasn't sure about the content. He tried to phone his brother, but the call went straight to voicemail. This wasn't unusual if his brother was in a meeting, he normally didn't accept calls. Nothing to worry about, really, but it left Kili with a slightly uneasy feeling. What eased his mind was that Fili had promised to call later.

Kili drank a glass of water and returned to the piano, to start playing again. He didn't feel like drinking alcohol this evening. The crowd was good today, lively and funny. It looked like that someone of the office people from down the street had her birthday today and used the opportunity to celebrate. Some firefighters from the local fire station, who visited the pub from time to time had joined the office-ladies. It was going to be a long, loud night but most likely with much fun.

 

It was quite late, and Kili had played much longer than usual. As he had predicted, it had developed a loud and lively birthday party. The musician got swapped away, enjoying playing for them a great deal. But now he was tired and exhausted, in a good way. He finished his last song and gathered his things to finally end his night when he spotted a familiar face; he thought he wouldn't see again.

It was Ori, standing hunched at the bar, retracted into himself, like he was afraid to be seen.

When the historian turned his face into Kili's direction, the brunet dropped his notes in shock. One side of the young man's face was severely bruised around his eye and his cheekbone; his lip was also split.

Their gazes met, but Ori wasn't able to maintain the eye contact. His gaze dropped to the floor, and he shrunk even further, retreating more into himself.

Kili jumped from the little pedestal, the piano was placed on and crossed the room as fast as he could.

Reaching Ori, he had to fight the urge to hug the other man, comfort him and to protect him. Whatever happened to the historian made him most likely wary of physical contact, at best. So, the brunet stopped himself, mentally counting to three, before he tried to interact with the other man.

"Hi, Ori!! Kili started, not sure what he wanted to say. The historian lifted his gaze for a moment, meeting the brunet's eyes for seconds before he looked away again. "Hello, Kili!" He whispered barely audible. "Your play was wonderful, tonight!" Kili smiled softly, glad that Ori had given him an opening. "Thank you! I'm glad you liked it." He paused, "Do you like something to drink?" Ori shook his head, still avoiding eye contact with the musician.

It was frustrating. Kili had no idea what to say to the other man, how to handle this situation. He was happy to see the historian again but scared of what had happened. The brunet knew that it probably wasn't a wise decision to interfere in the historian's life, but he couldn't stop himself. He cared for the other man and even with the worries over his brother he couldn't walk away.

Kili noticed Ori's rigid posture and the fidgeting. The other was apparently struggling with himself. It was hard, tough, but Kili kept quiet and waited for the historian to say something. It was painful to watch this thoughtful and intelligent young man fight for the courage to speak, to fight for words.

Ori took a trembling breath and squeezed his eyes shut. It nearly cracked Kilis resolve, to wait, to not touch the other man, but then the historian looked up into the brunet's face and fought to hold the others gaze.

"I'm sorry for not calling you, Kili! I wanted to, really. The time we spent together was absolutely amazing." Ori's words warmed the brunet, and a soft smile spread across his lips. Ori took another deep breath, and Kili waited for the other to continue. "It took me three days to build up enough courage to pick up my phone and call you, but before I could, everything went to hell." At these last words, Ori's voice trembled and Kili could see tears glistening in the historian's eyes. Before Ori could look away, Kili stretched out his hand, not touching, just offering support for the other to take.

A single tear ran down Ori's bruised cheek, but he smiled gratefully and took Kili's offered hand squeezing it. It felt like Ori needed a lifeline, something to ground him, and Kili offered.

Ori took in another shaking breath before he continued: "Kili, he found me! He waltzed back into my life in my flat and just took over. At first, I was paralysed, I couldn't do anything. It was like I had never been away and it started all over again." Ori was shivering now, his whole body shaking. Kili opened his arms slightly, offering a hug if the other wanted it and could handle it.

A sob escaped the historian's lips, his eyes spilling over with tears and he carefully moved towards the musician, seeking the offered comfort. He leaned his head at the crook of Kili's neck. The brunet tenderly closed his arms around the trembling man, carefully avoiding it to close him in.

Ori still shook, but Kili could feel how the historian relaxed a little under the soothing touches. In a low, hoarse voice Ori talked again: "It was the thought of you, what made me fight again. There was another person out there who liked me, who didn't think I am weak or useless. It was what kept me going, what let me fight and to survive the hell again!" He paused a moment. "Kili, I ran, I sneaked out of my own flat tonight because I knew where to find you and I finally had an opportunity. I'm sorry to burden you with that mess, and I can understand it if you never what to have anything to do with me after tonight, its fine, but can you help me and find a place to stay? He took my wallet, and I can't do much about it tonight. "Kili I'm so sorry...," Ori trailed off.

Kili pressed a soft kiss on the historian's hair. "I'm here Ori! I'll help you. If you want to, you can stay with me tonight. I completely understand if you are afraid to trust me that much. I'm sure Bombur can offer you a space for the night if we ask him." Kili offered. "Have you been to the gardi?" Ori shook his head, lifting it and looking at Kili. "No, not yet. I just wanted to be away from him." Kili nodded and softly stroked Ori's hair out of his forehead. "Do you want to?" Ori nodded. "It has to stop! And I have to be the one who acts. I thought leaving the country was enough, but apparently, it wasn't." Kili smiled, the historian had strength, and it was impressive, how that man fought for his own life.

Someone cleared his throat softly behind Kili's back. "Ladd, do you want me to call the gardi?" Bombur offered, who had obviously overheard parts of their conversation. Kili stroked Ori's arm reassuringly, and the historian relaxed a bit more again. "Yes, please!" Ori answered softly.

 

Bombur closed up the pub and Mina had shooed the two young men into the kitchen to wait there for the gardi. Ori had told the older couple a few bits of what was going on, it apparently wasn't easy for him, but the historian felt like he owed it to them for the help the pub owners offered, so he told Kili.

Mina and Bombur didn't ask or put any pressure on the young man as they had done with Kili, they were just there, listening and silently supporting Ori.

Kili could see an immense weight being lifted from the historian's shoulders. Ori wasn't alone anymore; there were people who had an eye on him, who took him for just who he was and that gave the man strength. Kili could see how the historians back straightened and some of the fear disappeared, replaced with determination.

Mina had placed a pot of hot tea on the table, Kili and Ori both gratefully sipping the hot liquid thankful for the comfort.

 

 

When the gardi arrived, Kili left the kitchen; he had felt the tension building up in Ori again. He had asked if he wanted to talk to the officers alone and the thankful look on the historian's face told him enough.

Ori wasn't ready to talk about what had happened to him with Kili. He understood that. With the gardi, it was different; it was necessary if Ori wanted to do something against his abuser. The gardi were strangers, and it was their job to listen and act on that reports. It was a total difference to talk about the events with a new friend or maybe potential new lover.

Ori had asked Mina to stay, and Kili was glad that he had the support of the Urlaran family matriarch. She was a lion mother protecting her cubs even the 'adopted' once. Kili had seen it in Mina's gaze that she considered Ori as part of the family already.

Bombur and Mina were just special people, Kili had been lucky enough to meet. He was still profoundly grateful.

 

Kili waited with Bombur in the living room, waiting for the gardi to finish the questioning. Both men set in a long silence. Kili's mind running frantically again, without anything useful to come up with. The only sign of distress was the rapid up and down movement of his leg. Finally, he got aware of Bombur watching him. "Are you, alright Kili? Do you need anything?" The redhaired pub owner was concerned, Kili could hear it in his voice, and the brunet hated it that he worried his friend. Kili swallowed and closed his eyes for a moment, finally stopping the movement of his leg. When he looked up, he said: "I'm sorry Bombur! I didn't mean to worry you." "I know laddy. It's none of my business, but are you sure you can take this? Especially on top of the worries about your brother right now?" The ginger-haired man asked carefully. Kili took his time to answer: "Well, it's probably unwise to get involved, but Bombur I can't turn away. I don't know what it is about Ori. It's just... don't know." He trailed off and tried again: "I like him, very much so and I feel like he understands me in a way only one other person does. Even a bit deeper than Fili. It frightens me but it is so awesome at the same time, and he is so strong. It amazes and inspires me. I can't really explain it."

Bombur smiled broadly at him. "So, you fell in love?" Kili shrugged. "Don't know if you could call it that yet. He means a lot to me, and it's definitely more than a crush." That drew a chuckle from the older man. "Well Kili, I hope you two have a chance. Be careful tho." He warned. "If Mina and I can help, you know you just have to ask, don’t you?"

Kili smiled and nodded thankfully. "Thank you Bombur! I love you both!" Suddenly Kili's eyes were burning with unshed tears, and he found himself in a bone-crushing hug, being pressed to the ginger-haired man's chest.

 

Two hours later the gardi left. Mina looked troubled and Ori bone deep tired. Bombur hugged his wife and Kili could see that she was fighting with tears, her heart apparently breaking for the bruised young man.

The couple left the living room, Bombur taking care of his wife. Kili could hear their low whispering. Ori was standing near the door silent, retreated into himself, looking lost.

The brunet slowly approached him, stretching out his hand, again not touching the other man. The gesture brought Ori back into the here and now, a small, weary smile crossing his lips. He took Kili's hand carefully and stepped a little closer, whispering: "Can I stay at your place, Kili? I don't want to burden Mina and Bombur more than I already have."

Kili smiled and squeezed the other man's hand. "Of course, you can! Let's go then; you look like you are falling asleep on your feet." And as on command Ori yawned after Kili's words, what drew a chuckle from both of them.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ori comforts Kili this time...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy it!

The two men had arrived home in the early hours of the morning, the sunrise not far away. Kili had tugged Ori in his own bed, to give the other man some privacy. The brunet assumed that the historian would probably be more comfortable if he could close a door and no one was going to walk in while he slept. 

The musician himself slept on the living room couch. He was exhausted and dozed of nearly immediately, sleeping dreamless for about 4 hours, before waking, restless with an uneasy feeling. Kili tried to go back to sleep for a while, but it was impossible. He was just tossing and turning from one side to the other so that he got up in the end and occupied himself with tidying up the kitchen and the living room with a questionable amount of success. 

 

 

It was midmorning, and Kili was getting more and more agitated. There was still no message from Fili. His brother's worked days was supposed to be over, and most often the blond at least sent a quick 'Good morning, Good night' text his way, especially when the situation at home was tense and the blonde new Kili was concerned. In the reversed situation the musician did the same. It was the brothers' way to keep in touch and have an eye on each other from the other side of the world. 

Even if there were dinner parties or other evening functions, Fili took the time to send a quick text sometimes even called. 

 

Kili huffed in frustration; he waited long enough now. He picked his phone up and dialled Fili's number. He was transferred directly to voicemail. The brunet's stomach ached with frustration and trepidation. What if something had happened. The brunet shook his head. He was exaggerating it. Fili had promised and so Kili had to trust his brother. That conclusion didn't do much to uncoil his stomach. Kili took a deep breath. He had to wait. If his brother needed some space right now, Kili would give it! 

The desperation in Fili's voice the night before was what worried Kili the most, but yesterday morning the blonde sounded much better, even hopeful and that eased Kili's feel of unease. The question was if Kili could still trust his gut feeling. He always could, why shouldn't he this time? 

His fingers hovered over his contact list, right over Desiree Durinsons name. Was it time to call his mother, or should he wait a little longer? 

Maybe Fili had been able to escape for the weekend and was on some hiking trail with his camera. It wouldn't be the first time, but usually, his brother told him. The mobile connection was sketchy at best in some parts of the South Island. 

Kili put the phone aside and got up. He would wait and trust his gut, that his brother was all right. He would give him a few more hours before he contacted their mother 

The musician walked over into the kitchen area and set the kettle on. He needed some tea, something warm for comfort. 

 

With the steaming cup in his hands, the musician stepped on his balcony. The city beneath slowly waking up on another promising summer day. The last remaining clouds were drifting out towards the sea, and the sky was brightening up into a brilliant summer- blue. 

Watching towards the street, he saw his neighbour returning with some shopping bags from her nightshift. Kili hoped that the nurse was off for the weekend and that she could enjoy some of the lovely weather. Three houses down the street, he saw the young mother who lived there, leaving the house, the baby in a drapery tight to her chest and the young twins, a boy and a girl at each hand. They were apparently prepared for a little trip. 

Kili smiled to himself. Life was just going its way, and it soothed him. 

Before he even noticed he had started humming, a melody filling his head and the sun warming his face. 

The honk of some car horn nearby broke the spell. Kili sipped a bit of his tea, then placed the cup back onto the small table beside him, before returning inside. 

The door to his room was still closed, and no sound emanated from there. Kili guessed that the historian was still sleeping. 

The other man was probably exhausted. From what Kili suspected the other hadn't gotten much sleep in the past week. The brunet had a strong suspicion of what had happened. He had seen Ori's face and his reactions. Kili had felt the other man flinch when he held him last night. It was a flinching of pain, not of fear. There were most likely more bruises on the other man's body. 

A shudder ran through the brunet. He hoped that it was 'only' bruises from a beating and not from something else. 

No one deserved to be treated like that! How could another person do something like that to another human being, especially when claiming they loved the other one? Kili couldn't understand it! It made him angry and sad at the same time. He felt so helpless. There was nothing Kili could do. What had happened to Ori wouldn't disappear. It was a fight the historian would have to fight. Kili could only be there, offer him support, and it was up to the other man to take it or not. 

Before Kili could get more worked up over his thoughts, he took his guitar and stepped back out onto the balcony. He couldn't do anything about it right that moment, not for Ori nor his brother. The only thing he could do was to stay clear-minded and focused, and that wasn't easy with his mind just jumping from one topic to another. 

Sitting down, Kili started to play, first some random songs but after a while, it changed into something new, deep out of his sole, haunted, sometimes angry, sometimes tender. Eventually, the musician started to take notes, and before he knew it he was composing, his mind entirely occupied with it and the world was forgotten for the time being. 

Kili didn't know how long he had worked like this. His teacup set still mostly full on the table, cold by now when he suddenly got aware that someone was watching him. Kili could hear the soft breathing of another human being. Slowly reality filtered back into his mind and when he looked up, Ori stood in the open door of the balcony, leaning against the frame with a soft, warm smile on his bruised face. 

The historian looked adorable, with his still sleep-tussled hair, bare feet, in boxer shorts and one of Kili's oversized t-shirts. 

Kili's heart stopped for a beat and butterflies erupted in his belly. He could feel a blush creeping upon his cheeks and a broad smile forming on his lips. Their gazes met, and Kili lost himself in the warm light brown of the other man's eyes. 

"When I woke, I heard you play," Ori stated softly. "It is so beautiful! I could listen to you play all day." Ori said smiling. Kili's blush deepened, and he nodded unable to speak. Ori chuckled softly. "Good morning?" Now Kili had to chuckle too, "Yes, good morning!" With a shrug, the brunet stated: "actually I have no clue what time it is." The musician's stomach gurgled suddenly, and both men started to laugh. "Time for breakfast I guess?" Asked the brunet and Ori nodded. 

 

In fact, it was already noon, but the two men didn't care. 

Ori got dressed while Kili made some breakfast, meeting back outside on the balcony. It was warm and peaceful here. The noises of the city drifting up mixed with the cries of the seagulls. 

Ori had turned his face up towards the sun, eyes closed and enjoying the warmth. The historian was slander, nearly delicate but never appeared weak. He hadn't the bulky strength of the bodybuilding gym- rats. Ori's strength was hidden behind his small frame, but if Kili looked carefully, he could see it clearly. The musician also noticed the curve of the other man's stretched neck and the relaxed, smiling face. Kili longed to stroke over that face with tender fingers and to kiss the lush lips softly, kissing further along the jawline and down the other's neck. 

Ori's soft chuckle brought him back to reality, and he blushed even deeper than before. 

The historian got up from his stool, smirking fondly and walked around the table, stopping behind Kili's chair. The musician was about to turn, when he felt a hand on his shoulder, squeezing softly. A moment of hesitation followed and when Kili relaxed Ori's arms glided around him, hugging him from behind. He nuzzled Kili's hair, before pressing a soft kiss to the top of the brunet's head. 

He remained that way for a moment before Ori rested his head in the crock of Kili's neck. "Thank you, Kili!" The young man whispered. 

Kili stroked tenderly over Ori's hands resting on his chest, before turning slowly and getting up. He looked deeply into Ori's eyes, stroking softly over the bruise-free cheek of the historian, before kissing him, carefully, and soft. The historian deepened the kiss, melting into the brunet's arms. 

Kili felt Ori's lips open and a tongue gliding along his lower lip, demanding entrance. When Kili opened his mouth, and their tongues met, the world was forgotten again for a while. 

He could feel the other man's hand glide over his back, careful but not afraid. 

A groan escaped Kili's lips. He couldn't hold it back, when Ori's hand glided over his ass, squeezing it and pulling him closer. It was so unexpected, and the musician could feel that Ori wasn't unaffected by the contact either. The historian was breathing heavily too, pressing himself even closer to Kili and kissing him passionately again. 

Subconsciously Kili didn't act like he usually did. He answered to Ori's touches but didn't initiate them. It wasn't a conscious decision. Kili was just feeling, not thinking any longer. 

Finally, Ori broke the kiss. He was panting heavily and took a step back. Kili released him immediately out of his arms. Everything in the musician screamed to maintain the contact, to pull the historian close again, but he restrained himself. Kili would never violate Ori's trust. He was amazed anyway that the historian had initiated the kiss. 

Ori's lips were kiss-swollen, and his cheeks flushed, his gaze a little wistful. He stepped closer again leaning his head against Kilis forehead. "You are so beautiful!" He gasped. "My body is screaming for so much more. You feel so incredible! I haven't felt like this with anyone! I feel safe with you." The historian took another deep breath before he continued in a low voice: "I'm sorry, Kili, I didn't mean to lead you on. Even if my body demands more, I'm not ready for it." 

Kili stroked Ori's face tenderly. "I know Ori! Don't worry, between us there will be nothing you aren't comfortable with! I never want to hurt you..." Kili's voice broke. Too many emotions were running through his head. 

Ori smiled softly and kissed him again, this time tender and slow. 

The beep of Kili's mobile brought them back to reality, and the brunet's face fell, the worries about his brother returning with full force. 

Ori released him, and Kili grabbed his phone in a hurry. He had to swallow hard. It wasn't the text he had hoped for; it was from Bombur asking after their wellbeing. 

Kili's hands shook, and his knees felt weak. He knew that Fili was probably sleeping. It was the middle of the night back in New Zealand, but anyway, had he hoped for a sign from his brother. 

His eyes were burning. It was all too much, all this ups and downs in the last days. A tear escaped Kili's eye and when Ori took the brunet's hand in his own, stroking it tenderly something broke in Kili. All the pressure broke free and couldn't stop crying. 

This time Ori was holding the musician, soothing him with gentle touches and murmured words. He slowly manoeuvred them to the ground, where Kili set in his lap, his face buried in the other man's shoulder. 

Kili couldn't stop. He wanted to, didn't want to distress Ori even more. The other man had enough on his plate already. He didn't need Kili's drama too, but he had no chance, the dam just broke, and the water wasn't going to stop anytime soon. 

It felt like hours before Kili was able to lift his head and look into the historian's face. There was no pity, only concern. Ori stroked his cheeks softly, wiping away the remaining wetness of his tears. 

"I'm worried about my brother." Kili started with a low voice, and Ori listened patiently as Kili told him about his family, the business and what had happened the last few days. 

When Kili finished, the historian leaned forward and kissed him on his forehead. "You are amazing Kili!" He whispered. "You care so much about others! - Don't forget to take care of your self from time to time!" Kili smiled, he couldn't restrain himself, he leaned forward and kissed Ori soft on the lips. The historian didn't shy away; he answered the touch. "I'm doing exactly that!" Kili whispered. A soft chuckle escaped the other man's lips: "Good!" And Ori kissed him again.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He must have fallen asleep in Ori's lap while talking. He could feel the historian's finger stroking softly through his hair. "Hey there, sleeping beauty." Ori greeted him softly, and Kili blushed. When he opened his eyes, the other man smiled at him, tender care in his eyes. "Are you feeling a little better?" He asked, and Kili nodded, trying to sit up. "You can remain like this if you like," the historian offered and Kili relaxed again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for @calicoswritingkatts. It has nothing to do with what the chapter is about. It just meant as a little gift ;-)  
> I hope you like it!  
> ____
> 
> I just hope you all like it!   
> I really would love to get some feedback, because I'm not sure if I'm still on track or if I'm losing the characters...

Kili slowly woke, and he got aware that his head was lying on a warm body. He sighed, everything was light and bright, he just wanted to remain in this cosy and peaceful place a little longer, sleep a bit more, not waking up just yet. But with that wish reality came back and with it all his worries and concerns. 

He must have fallen asleep in Ori's lap while talking. He could feel the historian's finger stroking softly through his hair. "Hey there, sleeping beauty." Ori greeted him softly, and Kili blushed. When he opened his eyes, the other man smiled at him, tender care in his eyes. "Are you feeling a little better?" He asked, and Kili nodded, trying to sit up. "You can remain like this if you like," the historian offered and Kili relaxed again. 

It had been years that someone had comforted him like this. Of course, Mina had in her motherly way, but the last time he had let someone that close, who wasn't like a mother to him, had been Tauriel and even that had been different. Kili hadn't been able to stay still for a more extended period of time, he had grown restless just after a few minutes, and it had gotten on the red-haired dancer's nerves so that in the end not much cuddling was left and she grew more and more impatient with his antics. 

With Ori so, it was something entirely different, his mind was wondering, but he felt much calmer than in weeks. The urge to jump up and do something was still there, but he didn't need to act on it. Instead, he focused on the tender touches. 

Kili took a deep breath and closed his eyes again. He didn't know what to say, actually there was too much he wanted to, so he let his thoughts slip away again and instead laced his fingers with Ori's free hand. He squeezed them lightly, and his thumb stroked the warm skin of the other man. 

He felt warm and secure, in the background he could hear the noises of the city, even sum seagulls crying and he heard Ori's soft breathing, calm and relaxed. That melody soothed the musician's fried nerves. 

After a while Kili started humming softly, the melody around him weaving itself into a tune in his head. 

The brunet had no idea how long he had lain like this, but eventually, nature demanded its tribute. With another deep sigh, he opened his eyes again and set up. 

"I'm sorry, but I need the bathroom." He explained and could feel a hot blush creeping up his neck. Ori chuckled and smiled. Kili got up and stretched. When he left the balcony, he saw Ori getting up and stretching as well. 

 

Kili hated to break that comfortable and cosy spell between them, but they needed to talk again about what had happened last night. It probably wasn't a good idea for Ori to return to his flat. The gardai still didn't know where his Ex-boyfriend was. Kili didn't feel comfortable knowing Ori alone at home and that that psycho could show up at any time. 

Even the gardai had recommended that Ori better stay somewhere else for a few days until they could find the man and arrest him. 

At least there had been no need to drive to the hospital to document the injuries. The state pathologist had been at a crime scene, and on his way back he had been able to do the exam and documentation. 

Kili washed his hands and looked at himself in the mirror. Was he really up for this? He wasn't sure, but the choice he had wasn't really one. He was already too deep in it. Even if he hadn't those deep feelings for the historian, even if they were just friends he would be involved. He couldn't stand by and see someone he liked suffer, especially not from abuse. Kili couldn't stand it. 

He took another deep breath. He wasn't sure if it was a good idea to offer Ori to stay at his place. But he wanted the other to know that he was welcome if he chose to stay and Kili really liked the historian's company. 

He finally dried is hands and left the bathroom. Ori was standing in his living room, with his mobile pressed to his ear, talking rapidly, annoyance on his face and gesturing wildly. 

The historian huffed: "No! I didn't make that transaction this morning! The Gardai informed you last night that all transactions are not made with my permission because my wallet got stolen! You have the copy of the report on your desk. So, you see to it that the money is transferred back immediately! If not, you will hear from my lawyer!" Ori barked into the phone in an angry voice, his face red. He paused for a bit to listen and started shaking his head. "No! You listen! You block all transactions right this minute and retrace all the money taken from my account due to the date on the official police report!" He barked and a short silence followed. "What didn't you understand Miss? I want to speak to your supervisor immediately!" Another pause and Ori continued: "Ok, then please give me your Name and your supervisors Name and I contact him on Monday and inform him that my lawyer will take care of the matter!" The historian paused again, waiting and turned. A short smile flitted over his face before he rolled his eyes and made an annoyed impatient gesture. 

Kili grinned sheepishly and shrugged, not knowing what to say or how to help. 

A few seconds later Ori listened again. "Well, apology accepted, but you should probably train your staff a little better!" The historian listened again. "Please stop that! I don't want to hear your excuses; change that custom! Can I be sure that you bring my accounts in order and that I'm going to get new cards on Monday?" Ori exhaled noisily through his nose. "Yes good, Thank you then!" With that, he disconnected. 

Ori hung his head shaking it slightly. "It's all such a mess!" Kili moved slowly towards him reaching out with his hand but stopped before touching the other. "Well, I think you handled that pretty well." He chuckled lightly. Ori lifted his head, taking the brunet's hand and smiled. "Thank you! I'm so sick of being bullied around. I endured it way too long. At least that I have learned in the last year, to fight back with people I don't know!" He said resolutely. 

Kili stroked the historian's hand, "Not only that; You are fighting back, and you are standing your ground! That bastard will get what he deserves in time!" 

Ori stepped closer, and the brunet took him in his arms holding him close. They stood there for a moment not talking. Kili could feel the historian tremble and snuggle closer. The brunet just held the other man, stroking his back and pressing a soft kiss onto the dark-blonde hair. 

"If you like to stay here for a little longer, you are very welcome," Kili stated. "If you preferer to be alone, I help you find someplace else." Kili cleared his throat. "I just wanted you to know that you are welcome here and that you are no burden. Well, the opposite is the case, I like having you here." Kili trailed off, suddenly feeling insecure and shy. 

Ori hugged him a little tighter before lifting his head and gazed at the brunet. He studied him for a bit and what he saw seemed to reassure the historian. A soft smile spread across the blonde man's face. "That would be amazing, Kili. I don't want to be alone. With you, I feel safe, and I love spending time with you, talking to you, listen to your music. Well just being with you feels wonderful, even with everything going on right now, I can relax and be happy." Ori answered. 

 

The brunet swallowed hard. The words moved him deeply. He couldn't help it and lean forward, cupped the historian's bruise-free cheek and kissed him softly. As their lips touched, Kili could hear a soft appreciative humming from the other man, and the historian held him a little closer, deepening the touch. 

When they came up for air, they lean their foreheads together, just enjoying the closeness of the other. 

"Do you have any news from your brother?" Ori asked tenderly. Kili shook his head. "Not yet." He sighed. "But it's still pretty early in New Zealand, so I assume Fili is still sleeping:" 

Ori stroked over the brunet's back comfortingly. "I hope you'll hear from him soon!" Kili hummed in agreement and nodded. 

The two men fell silent again. Not in an uncomfortable way, both deep in their own thoughts and soaking up the comfort of holding the other close. 

After a few minutes, Kili's stomach gurgled, and both men burst out laughing. "Well then, I think we have to feed you. Ori chuckled, and Kili shrugged blushing slightly. 

"We could cook something if you like?" Ori asked carefully. "I would love that, but I fear before we do that, we have to do some shopping. My fridge is in a very pitiful condition." Kili answered, and Ori had to laugh again. 

 

____ 

 

"I wouldn't have guessed that you can cook!" Ori stated. "Well, according to Mina, this is not cooking, it's surviving," Kili answered with a laugh. Ori smiled at him with mischief in his eyes. "It's way more than my brother Nori was able to create when he left home." The historian answered with a chuckle. "You should have seen the fuss my older brother Dori made when he discovered that Nori was living from mac and cheese and tinned beans for weeks. Dori made sure after that that I was able to prepare something basic and healthy at least." 

Kili grinned. It was the first time Ori talked about his family, and it themed that he was close with his brothers. "Well I was lucky enough to be fed by Mina from time to time, and I learned cooking eventually. Actually, I enjoy it sometimes." Kili explained. "But nothing fancy so. Standing for hours in the kitchen isn't my thing." 

Ori hummed in approval. "Yeah, it's the same for me. I haven't cooked properly in a long time." The historian paused, and a shadow crossed his face. "I hadn't the mind for it." He closed his eyes, and the brunet could see that some bad memories were haunting the other man. Kili kept quiet and continued to steer the sauce, giving the other time to deal with his daemons. 

Ori's eyes were filled with pain when he opened them again, but he tried to smile. "He took so much from me. He wouldn't let me cook or bake anything. Everything was centred around him, what pleased him he allowed me to do, but all things I loved he took away. My only escape was my work and if he hadn't been dependent on my money he would have looked me up completely." Ori stated in quiet and detached voice. Kili could have mistaken it for indifference, but it was apparent that Ori tried to keep his distance from the memories, not wanting to be overwhelmed by them again. 

Anger curled up in Kili's stomach. What else had this bastard done to that sweet and loving man? It was probably good that Kili didn't know. He wasn't sure what he would do to that man if he ever met him. Kili wasn't a violent person, not at all but seeing Ori bruised and scared made the musician so angry. He wanted that man to feel the pain he had inflicted on the historian. The brunet took a deep breath. He wouldn't act on that impulse. The Gardai was involved, and they would take care, but he still felt rage and hatred towards Ori's abuser. 

His granny had always said that he and his brother were protectors and then laughed fondly stroking the brother's hair. 

Kili missed his grandmother but thinking of her, and her loving face was enough to calm the storm inside him. 

Yes, he was a protector, and he would protect Ori as far as he needed and allowed it. And he would protect his brother; Fili had taken care of him so many years ago, now it was his turn. 

Kili straightened his back. He would be able to do both. He had no idea how right now, but he would find a solution. 

After a moment of silence, Ori swallowed, "He even estranged me from my brothers." With that confession, the historian's voice broke, and a tear trickled down his cheek. Ori whipped at his cheek furiously and huffed annoyed with himself. "Great, and I'm crying again!" He stated angrily. 

Kili placed the spoon aside and washed his hands before he turned to the historian offering his hand again. This gesture was establishing itself like a kind of ritual already. Ori smiled wobbly at him and to the brunet's hand gratefully. He stepped closer to be enveloped in the musician's arms. The historian leaned his forehead against Kili's and closed his eyes, tears silently escaping. 

The historian's body was tens; he tried to find words, Kili could feel it. He softly rubbed the historians back. "Don't worry Ori! It's fine! I understand!" He whispered tenderly. 

The historian just nodded and stepped a little closer, placing his head into the crook of Kili's neck. Holding the other man close, Kili stirred them both towards the living room. At the last moment, he remembered to pull the pot from the stove and turn the heat off. 

 

The two-man set for a long while silent on the sofa, the historian snuggled tightly in the arms of the musician. Finally, Ori looked up into Kili's eyes. "I feel so stupid and dumb!" The historian sight wearily. "When I look at it now, I don’t know how I could have ever fallen for him and that I had let him control me and my whole life. I don't really understand it myself anymore. I feel so foolish and dens, like I'm not capable of anything myself." Ori swallowed again. 

Kili stroked the historian's arm tenderly and listened. He wanted to be there for the other man; he tried to understand. "Kili, I was so young and so naïve. If I had listened to anything, my brother told me I could have avoided so much pain. Dori had seen the signs, but I hadn't listened. I didn't want to believe him until it was too late. And then it was too late. It went on for five years before I was able to get out." 

Kili squeezed Ori's shoulder reassuringly and pressed a kiss to his hair. Kili had tears in his eyes, he could feel how much the historian was hurting, and he wished for nothing more than to take away a little of the pain. Ori had turned and observed the brunet. He reached out with his hand and whipped away Kili's tears with shaking fingers. Ori cleared his throat: "the last year wasn't easy. I had slowly to learn to live on my own. It was a little bit like learning to walk again, but I managed, I started to do things I love again." The blonde paused again. "And then the most amazing thing happened, I met you!" Ori smiled warmly. "I don't know how to describe it. I never met someone like you, Kili. I know you just for a few days, but it feels like I know you for years. You make me feel alive. With you, I feel special, like I'm worse something, even a little attractive." 

Kili chuckled softly. "Ori!" He said with laughter in his voice and a soft shake of his head: "You are special! You are intelligent, funny and yes, you are attractive!" Kili blushed. "You are unique, you are you, and that makes you so interesting and attractive!" 

Ori's eyes widened with Kili's words, and a soft pink touched his cheeks. He leaned closer to the brunet and kissed him passionately. 

A moan escaped Kili's lips. The blonde was straddling his lap, and he couldn't suppress his reaction. Oh dear, that man felt amazing! He wanted to touch Ori, to feel him. Kili grabbed at the sofa cushion to keep his one hand busy; the other was fisted into the historian's shirt. He had to fight the urge to touch and stroke Ori or to thrust up his hips to get the desired friction. 

Kili could feel the historian's arousal, the other man was panting and softly moaning. Kili was aware that Ori wanted him as much as he did, but it probably was too early. The historian had told him himself. Kili could just take what Ori was able to give. He knew he had to fight his instincts. If he touched Ori now, he probably triggered something. 

Hell, yes, he wanted to sleep with Ori, but he wanted more than just sex. If he pressured Ori into anything he would lose the historians trust and would hurt him, and that thought was unbearable. 

 

The beeping of Kili's phone brought an end to the make-out session. Ori practically jumped from the brunet's lap, and Kili hurried to his phone. 

 

Kili studied the display, and a sigh of relief escaped him. It was a text from Fili. He took a shaking breath. His brother was alive! In the end, it wasn't a mistake that he hadn't contacted his mother. 

"Hey Ki! Sorry for not contacting you sooner! I escaped for a bit. I'm fine! I call you later! Love Fili"

**Author's Note:**

> *from The Piano Man by Billy Joel


End file.
